Alphonse/Edmund: The one where they're furries

[ironysoul]

One hundred years in feline form, and now walking on two legs feels stilted. There was a knot between his shoulders that Al knew he could stretch out if he switched to fur. He could hunker down on his haunches and reach his front paws out far, sinking into a bow that would make every nodule of his spine pop. But while King Peter hadn't expressly banned fur, Al (and for that matter, the rest of the pride) still felt like it was something frowned upon now. Lesser, than their human form. At the very least that they should be grateful for it being restored.

He flexed paws (hands) and reminded himself again that his claws wouldn't unsheathe from the tips of his fingers. A hundred years in fur, and after almost a decade being able to change, he still felt wrong in this one.

At least, in the years since the age of winter, the pride had been restored to Cair Paravel. They'd served as stewards for generations, until Jadis had banished them. Not, Al was forced to admit, that he'd have been a particularly deft housekeeper with four paws. Maybe he could have dusted with his tail. The thought made him giggle.

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[just_edmund]

Confusion and distress mingled in the beckoning sweetness of Edmund's heat-scent, a combination that many an Alpha would be hard-pressed to resist. To relieve his suffering, to take care of and protect the vulnerable body while satisfying its needs and marking as their own...yes, it was a powerful allure, and Edmund was dimly aware that it wasn't quite fair to Al to make him endure such temptation. Especially when, a hand-span away, he saw Al shaking and crouching as if terrified.

Kneeling before him, Edmund touched the golden mane from behind, the warmth and energy of the soft fur seeping almost instantly through his fingertips. He sighed in relief, some of the panic eased. "You're the only one I trust to keep me safe like this," he murmured. His hand rhythmically stroked Al. "You'd never hurt me. I trust you."

He knew the two of them had different definitions of what it would mean to be hurt. He knew Al didn't want - was choosing not to - mate with him tonight. He even respected that. But he needed Al to trust his instincts more.

"I want you to stay." Edmund hesitated before adding, almost shyly, "Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?"

[ironysoul]

It both helped and hurt, hearing Edmund say he trusted him. Al was acutely aware of the desire, dizzying and sick, that brewed inside him. He knew Edmund shouldn't have that faith. At the same time, hearing it made this easier. A little.

"No, just -- just do what you need. I'll stay." Edmund's touch intensified his own want, but it relieved Edmund's panic, and that, in turn, cleared Al's head enough for him to think. He'd done this before. He could do it now. For Edmund. He had to.

[just_edmund]

Edmund didn't understand the different pheromones rolling off of Al right now, but then Al always had been a little confusing to him. Edmund was just happy to have him close at hand, staying with him for - for getting through his heat.

And getting through was exactly how he approached it. There was nothing very erotic about the glass phallus when he had a warm Alpha lying right behind him, but he was making the best of it and letting his imagination run wild as he lay back, propped up against cushions piled right next to Al's back, and warmed himself up with his fingers. Even near the half-open door of the tent, with a breeze wafting through, the scent of his slick curled through the air, sweet and almost wistful, like it needed to be combined with an Alpha's stronger aroma to be truly complete.

Edmund's breathing grew heavier as he imagined Al's fingers instead of his own, opening him up for their mating. "H-how did you manage during the Long Winter?" he asked, to fill the silence and give himself the pleasure of listening to Al's voice in answer. "When you were always in your Beast form. Did you take any mates then?"

[ironysoul]

Al tried hard not to listen, or look, or smell any of what Edmund was doing. Even though he'd done this before, it was hard to believe Edmund was treating it so casually, already working himself open and carrying on a conversation like it was nothing.

"No," Al admitted softly, half closing his eyes as he tried to maintain his composure. How could he explain that in a hundred years, he'd never entered rut? He'd soothed several omegas through their heats, and Winry and Edward had certainly been through this, but Al never had, himself.

"Jadis wouldn't allow the pride to grow. We suppressed as best we could."

[just_edmund]

Talking was easier than silence, right now; it wasn't even truly silence, with the soft lewd sounds of wet fingers sliding within flesh, and Edmund's audible breaths as he felt the rising lust begin to take hold of him in earnest. Words covered over some of that.

"Suppressed? That's...impressive." Edmund couldn't imagine actually suppressing what he was feeling, not without finding some kind of outlet for it. This particular method was just barely getting the job done. He reached for the flask of oil, coated the bulbous shape with a generous helping, and the smell of sweet almond mingled with his own earthier scent. The only thing missing, really, was a layer of Alpha. A hint of it wound through anyways, stemming from Al's lower back...his tail, really. Edmund bit back a curse.

"You must be masters at dealing with this sort of thing then. Care to share any helpful tips?"

He almost laughed; they might have been speaking of hunting paths, weather patterns, any mundane and platonic topic that one might trade friendly advice on. Certainly nothing that would indicate he was knuckles deep fingering himself, about to trade in for a more filling replacement, and Al was doing his level best not to broadcast any more signals than he could help.

[ironysoul]

And yet, Al wasn't any less aware of what edmund was doing. How he was touching himself. Despite all Edmund's attempts to stay quiet and keep himself withdrawn, every sound hammered against Al's over sensitive ears. And the smells -- no matter how he tried to ignore them, he couldn't escape Edmund's scent, woven through with need and desire.

"I think -- I think the siren bite made things worse." That was a convenient explanation for why he was so much more affected now than he'd ever been before. And it allowed Edmund a convenient shield as well, to hide his lack of control behind. It seemed plausible at the very least.

[just_edmund]

Edmund rolled his eyes. That might be the right explanation, but it didn't give him anything practical to work with. "I'm sure it did," he said, with a flicker of his usual sarcastic jauntiness. It wasn't easy, when his hands were so, er, busy and his mind short-circuited with gratuitous lust. "The timing didn't help either." A full moon, and getting bit and thrown into heat right at the height of battle when his adrenaline was already at its peak.

"What I still don't understand is...how you came to be with me now. If you didn't trust yourself around me. If it really was that bad, that I'd be unnaturally...appealing." Edmund didn't know how else to put it, considering how honest their own body chemistry was right now. He breathed in audibly as the cooler glass pressed to his skin. "Aah... not that I'm complaining about you being here, you know. There's...no one else I'd rather. But. There were other loyal Alphas you could have asked."

Strangely, the conversation (at odds though it was with his actions right now) soothed him with the distraction of focus on something other than overwhelming need, enough that the first breach of the phallus sliding into him was greeted with only the tiniest of whimpers instead of a full-blown cry, like he might have if he'd been thinking about how warm and thick Al would be in its stead...

[ironysoul]

Al would actually prefer to have any other conversation. But he could sense the calm coming from Edmund, however slight, and he realized it was actually helping his king to talk. About this. And that was why he was here, wasn't it? Because he couldn't deny Edmund anything.

"I saw it happen. I thought -- I'd helped omegas before, and it hasn't been this hard, so I thought I'd be helpful for you. And it's my responsibility, and if I went with you then no-one else--"

It wasn't that the thought of another Alpha made him near homicidal. It wasn't that he imagined anyone else hearing those small, tiny noises and ripping the glass away, shoving deep inside Edmund and -- definitely not.

"I didn't want you to be with someone else and not -- not know, if you were okay."

[just_edmund]

I'd helped omegas before. Something in Edmund roiled at the thought. Even though he knew perfectly well that Al had helped them exactly as he was helping Edmund now: chastely. Still. His body reacted as if Al had cheated on him with other omegas. Which was ridiculous because Al wasn't even his.

Heats were horrid.

Then no-one else would...

Edmund turned sharply to look at Al, sliding a hand back through his mane. Al had felt the same sort of possessiveness. He hadn't wanted another Alpha doing this job, maybe not being as strong and breaking down and taking advantage of the King. Edmund nodded and twisted his head to the side to drop a kiss to the shining fur. "Thank you, Al," he said, breathless but heartfelt. "I"m very glad you did."

Warm flowed through him from where they were connected. Before he could help himself, he found that he was whining softly and pushing the toy in with his other hand. "It...changed my body," he gasped. "The outside. But what about...would I bear children, if an Alpha..."

That was what his scent was saying, wasn't it? That he was fertile. It was a strange, enticing vision, carrying Al's children. It would also be disastrous for the line of succession, unless they married immediately.

"Is that what you were afraid of?" Edmund asked him softly. "Why you wouldn't..."

[ironysoul]

Edmund kept ramping up the touches. Curling closer to Al, petting him, kissing him, all while he made those sounds. It was driving Al to the very edge of his senses.. And Edmund still didn't understand.

Panthers were lone creatures. They made their way through life individually, with other panthers drifting through. But lions -- everything revolved around the pride. Especially mating. There were no second chances for lions, once a match was made. A pair of alphas like Ed and Winry would start their own pride, and by all rights Al should have split off long ago, to find a mate of his own. An alpha, to begin a pack with, or an omega in a pride he could leave.

But their pride was different. Whatever Jadis had done to them had changed things. That was why Peter didn't want them changing, or leaving. Or taking mates.

And if all the people for Al to fall in love with -- finally, the first person in his life to spark his interest. And it was Edmund. Completely unsuitable. A panther, a king... Al's frustration ratcheted higher still. Why couldn't Edmund understand how torturous it was, to even hear that the King would consider him...

"I-- I don't know," he admitted, trying to focus on Edmund's earlier questions. "I don't know what will stick."

[just_edmund]

It was true, Edmund had had little experience or exposure to the pride dynamics that consumed Peter and the others. The Panthers did as they pleased, and that suited him tremendously. He had learned their customs, such as they were, and lead with strength in times of need, but he didn't have to ask anyone's permission before he did something. Al's obsession with his duty was admirable and frustrating by the same token. If he knew more about it...or if he could explain to Peter...

His fingers were still curled in locks of golden fur. Edmund leaned back, spreading his legs to give himself room to work and inadvertently opening up his scent to hang thickly in the air. The rules about interspecies mating seemed antiquated and prudish to him. He didn't even know if it was possible to have offspring - maybe they wouldn't have Beast forms at all - but the thought of carrying Al's whelps made him mewl with taboo pleasure as he filled himself up with the smooth glass shaft. Things that he would have found strange and even degrading, were now exciting.

He felt the bump of the larger bulb against his entrance and whined again. "If you - if you had knotted me tonight..." He ached for it, would have done anything to have Al on top of him now. Unable to speak any more and keep going, he rolled up to feel the tip grinding within him. Throaty, unheeding sounds keened from his lips. His skin made the blankets beneath swish softly as his hips rose and fell, fucking himself in the absence of his Alpha to do it for him.

[ironysoul]

Al had done everything -- gods, short of shoving his nose under his paws, he'd done everything to try and block it out. And nothing had worked. Edmund's scent hung heavy over the room, driving under his skin, and he felt every twitch and roll, every gasp.

And still, Edmund mused about what might happen, casually calling up every image Al was trying to suppress.

"Edmund, please," he gasped, shoving down further. Those thoughts weren't helping either of them. Al had no idea what might happen if he knotted Edmund like this, when he was ripe and fertile, but he knew it would destroy him. It would probably wreck their pride, even if Edmund didn't catch. Edmund's reputation could be salvaged maybe, with careful concealment. But Al-- if peter killed him, it would be a kindness. Because he would never get over Edmund. It was already too late, probably.

[just_edmund]

Edmund's head was thrown back against Al's bulk, his body arched, more helpless with need than he'd ever been before. Distantly, he heard the desperation in Al's voice. It seemed to match his own. It made it worse, so much worse that he trusted Al implicitly to see him like this, or smell him, to touch him. Whatever happened, Edmund found himself wanting it to happen.

"Al." The name slid out of him on a whimper, with everything in him tight and on the verge of breaking. He squirmed, panting. "Need you...I can't..."

This must be what it felt like to go mad. Feverish, coherent thought stuttered with mere instinct and impulse, heart pounding out of his chest. The ache was so great, his body thrummed with the hurt of it. Surely normal heats weren't like this. There was something foreign in his blood, urging him on. Would the poison work itself out of him? Or had it changed him for good, made him like - like this forever?

"I wanted you, before," he breathed, a helpless confession. "Always - wanted you, all those weeks. Pretended I didn't, to make it - easier, on both of us." Edmund laughed, almost a sob, as he tried to bring himself off. He was so close, he just couldn't... "This - hasn't changed any of that."

[ironysoul]

God, as if Al didn't know. If he were someone else -- if he could be with Edmund, and just move on -- if he were anyone else, gods. But he isn't. He can't. Being with Edmund would destroy him, while Edmund just -- moved on to the next lover, presumably. He wasn't the one tied to his desires.

"Edmund, please, that doesn't help." Al can't sob in this form, but he's sure if he were in human form he'd be a wreck by now. He can't believe that Edmund understands what he's pushing for, that he'd knowingly cut Al this deeply. But at the same time -- he hasn't learned. He hasn't respected every rejection before this, he still pushes, and Al can't bring himself to cut his king off.

[just_edmund]

Edmund could never be intentionally cruel to Al, even as far gone as he was. There was a new stringency to Al's pheromones, something sharp and sad. Edmund hated that it was because of him. He turned to Al.

"What would you have me do, then?" A distinctive catch in Edmund's voice, like he was swallowing tears. "I pursued and you said no. I stayed away and you think me fickle. I am honest with you and still hurt you. I didn't ask for this - " He gestured wildly to the tent that reeked of blatant need. " - and yet we're here. I ask you then, what would you have me do?"

His voice rang of desperation. More than he needed relief (and he needed it badly just then), Edmund needed to know where they stood. If Al could just be honest in turn with him, give him some kind of explanation and course of action, even if it was away from him, that would be something.

[ironysoul]

What could he say? Al's heart shattered again, hearing Edmund's desperation and sadness. He was supposed to be helping, but he was making things worth. Poor Edmund, trapped with a worthless Alpha who wasn't providing any relief.

But what Al needed from Edmund, he couldn't demand. Could he say, 'I need you to love me the way I'm afraid I love you,' and not get laughed out of the tent? Could he even acknowledge how deep his feelings had grown for Edmund, and how watching him with any other partner was torturous now? The sting from his dalliances had soured something within Al, hammering home how little he meant to Edmund in the grand scheme. And how close he still was to falling into this abyss, one that seemed impossible to avoid.

"I need you to understand," he said finallly, his own voice bleak. "I wouldn't have chosen this for us, for you. I'm sorry, Edmund. I wish --"

[just_edmund]

Caught in a confusing swirl of emotions, of desire and heartache mingled, Edmund slid to one side to pillow his face in Al's fur. The most honorable and faithful among Men or Beasts, kind and warm-hearted and selfless, a man infinitely worth loving and being loved by, and yet who couldn't be his. It was a cruel turn of events, but for love of him, Edmund would accept whatever he wished, even if it meant parting ways forever.

It wasn't any sort of answer like what he was expecting to hear. Edmund was stunned into silence for a moment or two. "Oh," he said quietly. And then, even more quietly -

"What would you have chosen for us, Al? For me? What would you wish for?"

It seemed important to him. To know what was in Al's heart, and what he saw for the two of them. His breath shuddered unevenly across golden spikes of hair, stirring them into motion, while his free hand stroked another wayward patch smooth. Strangely, it was now that Edmund found himself most wanting to listen to what Al had to say.

[ironysoul]

What could he possibly say? The truth was too raw. Every time they'd come close to this before, Al had fled. Maybe it was cowardly. But they couldn't have what either of them wanted, and why keep fighting it? Why imagine what could have been, when what could have been involved changing so much about who they both were...

But Edmund's tone demanded an honest answer, and what else could Al do but give him that? His king leaned into him, pet him soothingly, more concerned with Al than with his own, overwhelming need.

"I wish you were a lion," he confessed. It wasn't a fair wish. Edmund would be so different if he were a lion, if he had his own pride. If he understood why Al couldn't leave his. If Al were able to mate him, properly...

"I wish we could be together."

[just_edmund]

Yes, the most important thing of all to Al. Loyalty to his kind. Edmund let out a shuddering sigh and nuzzled his face into the soft nest of fur. It didn't matter whether it was a fair wish or not. Just to know that he and Al might have had a chance if things had sorted differently...

He made a soft, hitching noise into Al's mane. "I wish you weren't quite so honorable." But it was mostly a jest. "We might have had a proper roll, you and I, and no one the wiser." He knew it wasn't how Al did things. And he wouldn't really want to change that about him, even if he could.

His body was humming almost contentedly, as if the greater contact with the delicious-smelling Alpha was keeping the worst of his need in check for the moment. It seemed incongruous with the tumult in his mind. Edmund turned his cheek, wondering if Al would smell like him too after this. The thought pleased him. "What do you think I should do?"

[ironysoul]

Jest or no, the words are a fresh wound to Al's battered self control. 'We might have had a proper roll.' Of course. That's what he is to Edmund, a convenient treat. A plaything. Not a lover, not a spouse.

It's part of why having Edmund as a lion would make things easier. Yes, there were lions who had sex without mating, but not alphas. Not fertile lions from a pride in distress. And not Al. That wasn't him. He'd never wanted something casual. Never really wanted something romantic at all, until he'd met this stupid, stupid panther, who twisted him up and raked him out again and again.

Maybe, when this was over, he should leave and find another pride. Ignore Peter's edicts. There was a risk, that whatever taint Jadis had laid on him would spread. Al knew he was far from normal in his disinterest, even for an alpha lion. And no other pride would want him unless he could mate and make children to carry on the line. But maybe it was time. He couldn't stay here any longer and watch Edmund move from dalliance to dalliance.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do."

[just_edmund]

Al couldn't be any of that to Edmund. Not lover, not spouse, not mate, and certainly not treat or plaything. The duty that bound Al to his calling in the pride made the former impossible; Edmund's own feelings and sense of justice made the latter unthinkable. Al was so much more...and could not be any of it. Not to him.

"I don't know either." Al felt more rigid against him, the tension in him prominent. Edmund could feel that he'd misstepped somewhere but he was too fevered and stretched thin to think rationally about any of it. He tipped his head and leaned his forehead against Al's flank. "I'm sorry, Al. This is the first time I - "

Caught feelings for someone, wanted someone badly enough to give up everything for them if he could. He knew Al wouldn't let him. They were in two different worlds. Al had made that quite clear.

Edmund swallowed, aching and miserable; the toy had slipped free long ago, and he didn't know what he wanted anymore. "You don't have to stay," he said, his voice treacherously uneven. "If you want to go, go."

[ironysoul]

Al knew what he was saying. But Edmund's thoughts echoed his so perfectly that it was hard not to read his intention differently. He could feel the misery radiating off Edmund, twin to his own, and it was so clear. They couldn't withstand more of this.

"I will. When you're recovered, I'll go. It's better that way." They wouldn't encounter each other as often. Maybe he'd be able to put Edmund from his mind, and focus on rebuilding. Starting a pride of his own. A family.

He couldn't see another way for them, even as he curled tighter around Edmund, nuzzling his side gently. This wasn't working. They just kept hurting each other, over and over.

[just_edmund]

It was as much as Edmund expected. He despised himself for being the catalyst that drove Al away. But if simply being around Edmund hurt Al that much, it seemed the only way. For all that Al had a duty to his people, Edmund was duty-bound to all of Narnia. He couldn't run away, and so if one of them had to...

Edmund felt his whole body rebelling at the thought of losing the Alpha next to him. He knew the physical reaction was made much worse by his heat; but his will, his thoughts were desolate without any help from the siren bite. Knowing this step was necessary didn't make it any easier. He radiated distress, a soft whine burying in Al's side. His fingers clung of their own accord to the nestled Lion. It wasn't fair.

And it wasn't fair to Al. He deserved a family, a pride that would close ranks around him, a bundle of cubs, a dutiful spouse. Not the outrage of an entire country over broken taboos and thwarted bloodlines.

This had to be the worst way to spend one's heat, next to an Alpha who was neither going to mate or stay past the duration of it. Especially when one wanted that particular Alpha very, very badly. Already humiliated in so many ways tonight, Edmund made a plaintive sound. He nodded. "I know. It's not...what I would wish for. But neither is causing you pain." Resisting was already painful enough. Edmund didn't want to know what would happen next time. When Al wasn't here.

[ironysoul]

There were other alphas who could care for him. Edmund had pointed it out himself. Al sighed, tucking himself around Edmund's form protectively, offering as much comfort with his bulk as he could manage.

He hadn't expected Edmund to beg him to stay. But it still stung to be dismissed so quickly. He thought about throwing the question back at Edmund -- what would he have wanted? But why bother? He already knew the answer.

"Do whatever you need. I'll stay here until this ends."

It was easier knowing he had a path out. Tomorrow he'd go see Peter and arrange his exit. He'd find another pack and rebuild. What other option did he have?

[just_edmund]

Couldn't Al smell how upset the prospect of losing him made Edmund? What he wanted was written all over his body. The wrap of Al's flesh around him was as much pang as comfort, for it wasn't his at all. Al was doing exactly for him what he had done for other omegas in need. Providing a service. And in the morning, or whenever the heat had abated at all, he'd be gone.

Edmund buttoned himself back up and set his jaw. "No." The physical release would be hollow and joyless now. He didn't want it. His body ached, but he could bear it. Even if he didn't sleep at all tonight.

He curled back against Al, an arm around his side, and closed his eyes. No, he would not sleep. His voice was thick with disappointment and frustrated need. "If you - don't mind staying anyways. It does help." The touches alleviated the worst of it. And the rest - well, he'd had worse pain.