Alphonse/Edmund: The one where they're furries

[ironysoul]

One hundred years in feline form, and now walking on two legs feels stilted. There was a knot between his shoulders that Al knew he could stretch out if he switched to fur. He could hunker down on his haunches and reach his front paws out far, sinking into a bow that would make every nodule of his spine pop. But while King Peter hadn't expressly banned fur, Al (and for that matter, the rest of the pride) still felt like it was something frowned upon now. Lesser, than their human form. At the very least that they should be grateful for it being restored.

He flexed paws (hands) and reminded himself again that his claws wouldn't unsheathe from the tips of his fingers. A hundred years in fur, and after almost a decade being able to change, he still felt wrong in this one.

At least, in the years since the age of winter, the pride had been restored to Cair Paravel. They'd served as stewards for generations, until Jadis had banished them. Not, Al was forced to admit, that he'd have been a particularly deft housekeeper with four paws. Maybe he could have dusted with his tail. The thought made him giggle.

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[ironysoul]

What could he possibly say? The truth was too raw. Every time they'd come close to this before, Al had fled. Maybe it was cowardly. But they couldn't have what either of them wanted, and why keep fighting it? Why imagine what could have been, when what could have been involved changing so much about who they both were...

But Edmund's tone demanded an honest answer, and what else could Al do but give him that? His king leaned into him, pet him soothingly, more concerned with Al than with his own, overwhelming need.

"I wish you were a lion," he confessed. It wasn't a fair wish. Edmund would be so different if he were a lion, if he had his own pride. If he understood why Al couldn't leave his. If Al were able to mate him, properly...

"I wish we could be together."

[just_edmund]

Yes, the most important thing of all to Al. Loyalty to his kind. Edmund let out a shuddering sigh and nuzzled his face into the soft nest of fur. It didn't matter whether it was a fair wish or not. Just to know that he and Al might have had a chance if things had sorted differently...

He made a soft, hitching noise into Al's mane. "I wish you weren't quite so honorable." But it was mostly a jest. "We might have had a proper roll, you and I, and no one the wiser." He knew it wasn't how Al did things. And he wouldn't really want to change that about him, even if he could.

His body was humming almost contentedly, as if the greater contact with the delicious-smelling Alpha was keeping the worst of his need in check for the moment. It seemed incongruous with the tumult in his mind. Edmund turned his cheek, wondering if Al would smell like him too after this. The thought pleased him. "What do you think I should do?"

[ironysoul]

Jest or no, the words are a fresh wound to Al's battered self control. 'We might have had a proper roll.' Of course. That's what he is to Edmund, a convenient treat. A plaything. Not a lover, not a spouse.

It's part of why having Edmund as a lion would make things easier. Yes, there were lions who had sex without mating, but not alphas. Not fertile lions from a pride in distress. And not Al. That wasn't him. He'd never wanted something casual. Never really wanted something romantic at all, until he'd met this stupid, stupid panther, who twisted him up and raked him out again and again.

Maybe, when this was over, he should leave and find another pride. Ignore Peter's edicts. There was a risk, that whatever taint Jadis had laid on him would spread. Al knew he was far from normal in his disinterest, even for an alpha lion. And no other pride would want him unless he could mate and make children to carry on the line. But maybe it was time. He couldn't stay here any longer and watch Edmund move from dalliance to dalliance.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do."

[just_edmund]

Al couldn't be any of that to Edmund. Not lover, not spouse, not mate, and certainly not treat or plaything. The duty that bound Al to his calling in the pride made the former impossible; Edmund's own feelings and sense of justice made the latter unthinkable. Al was so much more...and could not be any of it. Not to him.

"I don't know either." Al felt more rigid against him, the tension in him prominent. Edmund could feel that he'd misstepped somewhere but he was too fevered and stretched thin to think rationally about any of it. He tipped his head and leaned his forehead against Al's flank. "I'm sorry, Al. This is the first time I - "

Caught feelings for someone, wanted someone badly enough to give up everything for them if he could. He knew Al wouldn't let him. They were in two different worlds. Al had made that quite clear.

Edmund swallowed, aching and miserable; the toy had slipped free long ago, and he didn't know what he wanted anymore. "You don't have to stay," he said, his voice treacherously uneven. "If you want to go, go."

[ironysoul]

Al knew what he was saying. But Edmund's thoughts echoed his so perfectly that it was hard not to read his intention differently. He could feel the misery radiating off Edmund, twin to his own, and it was so clear. They couldn't withstand more of this.

"I will. When you're recovered, I'll go. It's better that way." They wouldn't encounter each other as often. Maybe he'd be able to put Edmund from his mind, and focus on rebuilding. Starting a pride of his own. A family.

He couldn't see another way for them, even as he curled tighter around Edmund, nuzzling his side gently. This wasn't working. They just kept hurting each other, over and over.

[just_edmund]

It was as much as Edmund expected. He despised himself for being the catalyst that drove Al away. But if simply being around Edmund hurt Al that much, it seemed the only way. For all that Al had a duty to his people, Edmund was duty-bound to all of Narnia. He couldn't run away, and so if one of them had to...

Edmund felt his whole body rebelling at the thought of losing the Alpha next to him. He knew the physical reaction was made much worse by his heat; but his will, his thoughts were desolate without any help from the siren bite. Knowing this step was necessary didn't make it any easier. He radiated distress, a soft whine burying in Al's side. His fingers clung of their own accord to the nestled Lion. It wasn't fair.

And it wasn't fair to Al. He deserved a family, a pride that would close ranks around him, a bundle of cubs, a dutiful spouse. Not the outrage of an entire country over broken taboos and thwarted bloodlines.

This had to be the worst way to spend one's heat, next to an Alpha who was neither going to mate or stay past the duration of it. Especially when one wanted that particular Alpha very, very badly. Already humiliated in so many ways tonight, Edmund made a plaintive sound. He nodded. "I know. It's not...what I would wish for. But neither is causing you pain." Resisting was already painful enough. Edmund didn't want to know what would happen next time. When Al wasn't here.

[ironysoul]

There were other alphas who could care for him. Edmund had pointed it out himself. Al sighed, tucking himself around Edmund's form protectively, offering as much comfort with his bulk as he could manage.

He hadn't expected Edmund to beg him to stay. But it still stung to be dismissed so quickly. He thought about throwing the question back at Edmund -- what would he have wanted? But why bother? He already knew the answer.

"Do whatever you need. I'll stay here until this ends."

It was easier knowing he had a path out. Tomorrow he'd go see Peter and arrange his exit. He'd find another pack and rebuild. What other option did he have?

[just_edmund]

Couldn't Al smell how upset the prospect of losing him made Edmund? What he wanted was written all over his body. The wrap of Al's flesh around him was as much pang as comfort, for it wasn't his at all. Al was doing exactly for him what he had done for other omegas in need. Providing a service. And in the morning, or whenever the heat had abated at all, he'd be gone.

Edmund buttoned himself back up and set his jaw. "No." The physical release would be hollow and joyless now. He didn't want it. His body ached, but he could bear it. Even if he didn't sleep at all tonight.

He curled back against Al, an arm around his side, and closed his eyes. No, he would not sleep. His voice was thick with disappointment and frustrated need. "If you - don't mind staying anyways. It does help." The touches alleviated the worst of it. And the rest - well, he'd had worse pain.

[ironysoul]

Arthur could smell it, but -- Edmund was in heat, and unsatisfied. Of course he was miserable. Why wouldn't he be? Al knew he wasn't helping, letting his emotions run roughshod, but he attributed Edmund's discomfort to the circumstances, and not -- anything else.

Hearing Edmund steel himself and refuse, Al's sides heaved in a sigh.

"Please. You'll feel better." Anything to break this emotional feedback, both of them pouring their emotions into each other with no relief. "You don't need to suffer just to suffer, Edmund."

[just_edmund]

"It's better this way," Edmund said stubbornly, not moving from his spot. The slick was uncomfortable now, leaving him feeling empty and unfulfilled, but that's exactly what he would feel like after a perfunctory release at his own hand, when all of his being craved the Lion beside him. Why bother, then. Why trouble Al with his own sexual needs when it wouldn't bring any true relief.

"I'm not suffering," he insisted, and curled in on himself. It wasn't as if he couldn't control himself. He absolutely could. He was stronger than the siren's poison. "Maybe I can sleep it off." As if he was going to sleep at all tonight. "They brought sleeping draughts in the medics' unit. That would be the easiest way, you know. Just knock me out and let the heat work itself out while I'm unconscious."

Edmund spoke matter-of-factly, just short of bitterly. His heat seemed an utterly useless and inconvenient thing, something that had only exacerbated the problems between him and Al. Simplifying the mess for Al's sake was really the only improvement he could see to the situation.

"I'd go get it myself, but for reason you all think I need to be quarantined," he half-joked.

[ironysoul]

"Sleeping it off would be easier --" Al sighed again, shaking out his mane. Did Edmund truly believe this was easier for him? He didn't enjoy listening to Edmund pleasure himself, especially when there was so little actual pleasure involved. But it wasn't easy lying here while Edmund radiated need, either.

"If that's what you really want." A sleeping draught might indeed help. At the very least, Al didn't see how it could make things worse, just -- delay the inevitable. "I'll go fetch you one. If you're sure."

[just_edmund]

Reluctantly, Edmund unwound himself from the softness of Al's fur, the warmth of his solid body. "I'm sure. I wouldn't be able to go through with anything else. Not - not now." He hugged himself, thinking of how much lonelier it would feel when Al was gone for good. He wanted to leave so badly, and all Edmund could do was let him go.

"I'm sure you're dying to get away from here anyways. You don't have to rush back." Edmund reached for the sword hung near the front of the tent. "I know how to defend myself in case anybody comes sniffing around."

He smiled, a sad thing that didn't reach his eyes. "Thanks, Al. You're a good man."

[ironysoul]

'I'm sure you're dying to get away from here, anyways.' Al froze, staring down at Edmund just as he started to rise. It didn't matter the second half of Edmund's sentence -- he'd started off so petty that Al was shaking with confusion and frustration. It it had been anyone else they'd have earned a smack with a heavy paw, claws in, of course -- not even his brother spoke to him like that.

Just as well he was leaving. Al understood it was difficult being rejected, but he'd never met anyone who insisted on throwing them self at him the way Edmund did. And then he acted like it was Al's fault, for just being consistent. Maybe Edmund was right, maybe he did want to leave sooner.

Al was so full of frustration and indignant rage that he didn't even notice he'd retrieved the sleeping fraught already. He returned to the tent and let it fall from his jaw. "Here." If he sounded terser, even icee than he had before, well -- maybe Edmund would understand that he'd finally crossed a line.

[just_edmund]

Edmund would like nothing better than being left to lick his wounds in private. He was in no condition to keep a tight rein on his emotions right now; he was barely keeping a check on his treacherous body, much less the disappointment, frustration, and crushing of his hopes where Al was concerned.

He looked up as Al entered, frowning. The tone was one he couldn't remember ever hearing from the gentle, obedient Elric. It was utterly disrespectful, and it was a dangerous precedent. Edmund drew himself up, sitting straight-backed, and glowered at him. "Is that how you address your Kings and Queens? Your efforts are appreciated; your manner is not."

[ironysoul]

"Well, is that how you address someone who you --" no. Edmund didn't love him. He might wish it, even if it wouldn't really fix anything, but.. alas. "Who is helping you? I'm sorry this is so hard, but there's no call to be rude."

Al might be obedient and kind, but he was also an Alpha. And he was a bit of a bear about being polite, come to think of it, and Edmund was not.

"If you want to be treated like a king, my lord maybe start acting like one and not like -- like a petulant child who can't have more sweeties!"

He *really mad* this time

[just_edmund]

All the pent-up denial of the strange, foreign emotions and sensations flooding through him had reached a head, and Al's chiding censure was the last straw. "I was honest with you tonight, and you think that gives you liberty to - to speak to me this way?"

Edmund found himself growling, hackles raised, and before he knew quite what was happening, he'd transformed into his Panther form and was launching himself at Al. Not to hurt him - he didn't think he ever could - but simply to put him in his place. It was both easier and harder in this body - easier for the strength and resilience it gave him, harder for how keenly he could smell Al now. It didn't matter; Al was being unfair, unsympathetic, and it grated more than he could bear. He attempted to knock Al to the ground. He would probably be unsuccessful; the Lion outweighed him by almost half again. But it was the point that counted.

[ironysoul]

Not to brag, but no one had won a fight with Al in -- in almost a decade. The only reason Edmund got a jump on him to begin with was that Al wasn't expecting an attack. Not from a beta, and certainly not from a beta who happened to be in heat right now.

He allowed confusion to rule him for one minute. What was he even supposed to do? But instinct took over quickly, and almost as soon as Edmund collided with him, Edmund found himself on the ground, belly down, with Al's paw between his shoulderblades and his teeth at Edmund's neck.

Such a display of dominance over a king was unthinkable. Half of Al's instincts screamed for him to roll over and beg forgiveness. But he was angry and hurt at how quickly Edmund could throw him aside, at this pattern of being used and rejected when he wouldn't bow to the king's sexual whims. And he'd already been driven from his home for it, or as good as. He might as well go all the way.

"You're a man, like any other," he told Edmund after a long moment, stepping off the king and backing to the door of the tent. "And even a king must learn to hear things he doesn't like. One who doesn't, one uses his rank to bludgeon his subjects and hides behind it when they object, isn't a king at all. He's a tyrant."

[just_edmund]

He'd half expected it would end this way; but the physical reality of it was quite different than the theoretical. Edmund felt fear, outrage, humiliation flash through him as he lay facedown at Al's mercy. There was a confusing twinge of Alpha is touching me in that mix too, that had his adrenaline rushing all sorts of places, his fight-or-flight instincts bringing a renewed surge of desire with it.

And then Al was retreating, physically, his point made on that front, but not content until he'd made it verbally too. Edmund's upper lip pulled in the hint of a snarl. If anything, Al's outspokenness had gotten worse, not better. It was infuriating, and he was in no condition to bear such unprecedented reprimand.

But. But. He was not ruled by his animal nature. He was a man, and he had a man's mind and reason and intellect. It told him to weigh Al's words when he was able to do so rationally - later - and see if they held any truth. He sat upright, staring, whiskers quivering for a moment.

"I will take these things into consideration," he said finally, as proudly and steadily as he could. "Thank you for your service."

He padded over to the dropped bottle, settled down into the cushions, and shifted back to his human form so that he could open it and drink. His heart had never ached so miserably. He wished he could go to Al and make his apologies, explain how he felt, how alone he would be. But he knew he could not. And so he curled up in a ball and buried his face in his arm, taut and spent all at once by the torments of tonight.

[ironysoul]

Technically, that was a win, though Al took no joy in it. He watched Edmund retreat to human form and turned away, dismissal obvious. Edmund didn't want him, and Al wasn't eager to remain.

Still, the thought of leaving anyone in heat, let alone Edmund, alone and undefended while he slept -- no. Al sighed and curled up outside the tent, guarding the door. In the morning, he'd be gone. And that would finally be the end of things.

[just_edmund]

In the morning, Edmund was as alone as he thought he'd be. Groggy and miserable, but mercifully free of any signs of heat. Good. That meant he could rejoin the others. He could still smell Al on him, and it brought a fresh wave of pain to know that Al was gone, perhaps forever. He'd lost him for good, and his own actions had driven Al away. It tore at his heart as he washed away (with great reluctance) all the scents of last night from his body in the nearby stream. But the only thing he could do now was bear the knowledge with dignity and resilience, and make reparations if possible, simply because it was the right thing to do.

He rejoined the main camp, where Lucy had ridden out to heal the injured, and who pulled him into a great hug before insisting on giving him a drop of cordial while inspecting his bite wound. "These were poisoned fangs," she pointed out, frowning. "Peter said you were weakened by whatever creature struck you, and the Prince tried to capture you. How - "

And there in the healing tent, the story came tumbling out of him, as much as he knew, and Lucy's face matched how he felt as he described, in very general terms, how he had resisted the poison only to lash out at Al and cause him to want to leave the pride. "Oh, Ed," was all she said, but she hugged him again and let him talk as much as he liked. Edmund couldn't bring himself to tell her the extent of it, but his feelings were raw enough for her to guess at what he did not say, and to guess that he had not said them to Al either.

"You can't him leave like this," she said at last. "With both of you angry and hurt."

"I'm not sure he would even see me," Edmund said, looking stricken.

"Then write to him. I'll make sure it gets to him and no one else. I'm sure he'll see me." Lucy's pride was closely aligned with Peter's and she'd become well-acquainted with the Elrics. "There, that bite looks much better. I'll see to the others, and you can have tonight to write your letter, before I leave in the morning."

~

"Make sure he's all right," was Edmund's parting request to her, whispered as he put the letter with his seal into her harness, and Lucy nodded and loped off. Peter's pride had been uninjured and had already set off for Cair Paravel, but she tracked them easily and caught up in only a couple of hours. She gave a full report of the recovery at camp to Peter, who looked rather surprised to see her delivering the message in person but welcoming her easily into the pride on the move.

Which gave her the perfect opportunity to fall in with Al along the road. Lucy's voice was quiet, only loud enough for Al's ears, quite a low pitch considering the keen hearing all around them. "Last night was a rough night," she commented with a sympathetic look. "I'm very sorry, Al."

[ironysoul]

Al certainly wasn't expecting Lucy either, and he startled slightly as she fell into pace beside him, her horse's speed matching his own. Al was careful to keep himself steady on the reigns, despite his surprise. It took a long time for them to find and train animals willing to take on dangerous predators as riders; he didn't want to ruin this one from a moment's carelessness. Even as he thought this, he realized: he would leave his beloved mount behind when they reached Cair Paravel. Such a rare and valuable item wouldn't be allowed to go with a lion who was, for all intents and purposes, rogue.

Peter had been far from happy to hear what Al had to say about the previous night. And his intentions. Ed and Winry knew something was afoot, but he couldn't explain it all to them without revealing what had happened to Edmund. That was a trust he would never breach, and so, Al found himself in their ill graces as well. He had no one to speak to about what had transpired, and that made it so much harder.

It was a relief, then, to see Lucy, although he didn't know what he could safely share with her. He ducked his head in acknowledgement and murmured, "Thanks," looking away. He liked Lucy -- it wasn't unreasonable to say she was his favorite of the Pevensies, especially as she seemed to understand entirely what it was like to have a stubborn older brother. Cautiously, Al asked, "Did you talk to Peter?"

No telling what she'd heard second or third hand. He didn't want to expose Edmund any further. Even though things had ended bitterly between them, he still felt a sense of loyalty to the king. He knew it was stupid. Brother had already told him so, at length. But some part of Al still needed to protect Edmund.

[just_edmund]

She looked thoughtfully at him, a concerned tilt to her brows. "I did, a little. But the trouble I heard of was from Edmund. I tended him yesterday and he - he told me things in confidence, Things I promise I won't tell anyone, not even Peter."

Al too seemed different today. Quieter than normal, which was saying a good deal. Pensive. Lucy sidled a step closer. "He said you planned on leaving. Are you sure that's necessary? Ed won't - he feels very badly, Al. He's worried about you. I think he feels it's his fault you want to leave. We could find ways - you wouldn't have to see him much, if you don't want to."

Whatever the trouble was between the two of them, it tugged at her heart that they hadn't been able to work any of it out. If anything, it seemed to have gotten worse after last night. And now one of their precious Lions was leaving. No wonder Peter wasn't happy about it.

[ironysoul]

Al wasn’t expecting Lucy to advocate for Edmund. It was stupid, really — she was his brother, of course she’d side with her family. But he couldn’t help the feeling that none of them — Lucy, Edmund, Peter — none of them really understood what they were asking him to give up. To risk. If he stayed here with Edmund, what were his options?

To keep his distance and watch as Edmund settled down with a mate, had cubs? Or worse, watch him flit from fling to fling like it was nothing? Al knew he couldn’t do that. And the status quo wasn’t working, either. Their options were limited, to say the least.

After last night, Al had no way to deny what his feelings for Edmund were becoming. Any more time with Edmund and he’d be well and truly bonded to a panther, someone he could never have. An animal who didn’t mate or form a family pride, and a king who had to marry someone appropriate. Al wasn’t suitable for Edmund and Edmund wasn’t suitable for Al.

At least the life Peter was offering him was something. He could be in a pride, even if he couldn’t breed. He’d have a family of sorts. And he wouldn’t have to watch Edmund’s dalliances, or watch him marry some foreign princess. He wouldn’t have to lose any more of his heart, or keep slamming himself into the same inescapable walls. It was something.

“I can’t stay, Lucy. It’s not realistic.” Al tried to keep his tone calm and reasonable. It wasn’t Lucy’s fault. She couldn’t understand what she was asking of him, asking him to stay. Just like Edmund couldn’t comprehend what he kept doing to Al. Just like Ed and Winry were never going to understand his decision to leave the pride.

It had been too much to expect Lucy’s understanding, really. No one could make sense of this mess.

[just_edmund]

Lucy sighed and pushed her hair back from her forehead with one hand. "I wish you two could be happy. It's very sensible of you, of course. It will be easier in most ways. But I hate to see you both suffering so." Edmund's heart was ready to break. She wished she could tell Al that, but she couldn't break her brother's confidence. Even if she was at liberty to speak, it might only make Al's decision harder on him, if he was so sure this was for the best.

She looked more deeply into Al's face, studying his expression. "Your friendship meant a great deal to him. I've never seen him like this before. I can't say I'm not worried about him." The horses' hooves clopping filled the silence for a moment. Then, quietly, "You're going to miss him, aren't you?"

[ironysoul]

Whereas Al’s heart was already broken.

He wasn’t doing much to disguise the hurt and pain that crossed his face as Lucy spoke. Maybe she’d catch a glimpse there of how much Al loved her brother. He shouldn’t even think it, really, but what was the point now? The worst has already happened.

He loves Edmund and they’ll never be able to have what Al wants. Maybe Edmund is sad now, maybe he’ll miss him — but Lucy’s said the magic word. “Friends.” Edmund will be fine. He’ll move on soon enough.

“Yes, I will miss him very much,” Al says finally. He will. The more he thinks about leaving the more he suspects that it’s too late for him. He is bonded to Edmund. Maybe that means he’ll never find another mate, and maybe he’ll miss Edmund every day for the rest of his life. It only makes it more necessary that he go and not look back. The king of Narnia won’t feel this way.

“Your majesty, with all due respect, there’s a lot you brothers — all of you — still have to learn about what it means to be Narnian. Please don’t — push, on this, anymore. I’d only say something I’d regret.”

Stiff and formal from Al, and still tinged with grief.