Alphonse/Edmund: The one where they're furries

[ironysoul]

One hundred years in feline form, and now walking on two legs feels stilted. There was a knot between his shoulders that Al knew he could stretch out if he switched to fur. He could hunker down on his haunches and reach his front paws out far, sinking into a bow that would make every nodule of his spine pop. But while King Peter hadn't expressly banned fur, Al (and for that matter, the rest of the pride) still felt like it was something frowned upon now. Lesser, than their human form. At the very least that they should be grateful for it being restored.

He flexed paws (hands) and reminded himself again that his claws wouldn't unsheathe from the tips of his fingers. A hundred years in fur, and after almost a decade being able to change, he still felt wrong in this one.

At least, in the years since the age of winter, the pride had been restored to Cair Paravel. They'd served as stewards for generations, until Jadis had banished them. Not, Al was forced to admit, that he'd have been a particularly deft housekeeper with four paws. Maybe he could have dusted with his tail. The thought made him giggle.

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[ironysoul]

“Are the panthers not competing?” Surely Edmund would support his own men above any others. Surely —

There was something deeply wrong with Edmund’s posture. Al knew what omegas looked like, and their was an easiness to them that Edmund lacked entirely. This was very... cultivated. It was nothing like the king Al remembered. He had been a beta, but he’d worn his royalty like an Alpha,

“Have you been okay? Really?” He remembered what it was like the night they separated. Edmund was clearly adjusting to whatever the bite had made him. Would it have been easier if Al had been his Alpha then? Maybe Edmund might have transitioned entirely, instead of being this. Whatever this was.

[just_edmund]

"A few. Mostly in the Were rounds. But my heart cheers for you."

Al was staring at him. Edmund was just glad he wasn't running away. He'd missed their friendship dearly, quite apart from the ache of wanting him, and this - this was like a balm to his spirit. He smiled with what he hoped was reassurance at the alpha.

"Of course. Never better. Look..." He drew away the collar of his tunic to show Al the place on his neck where he'd been bitten. Only two faint white circles, tiny against the pale freckled skin, showed any trace of the attack. He arched his neck for inspection. Another submissive gesture. "Lucy's cordial made sure any of the poison was fully drawn out. And I haven't had anything as bad as - that night." Edmund flushed, but soldiered on. "Few know. Just us, my family...Kala knows something is different, since I run with her, but I've never told her everything." Although if she asked him too...it would be hard to deny her.

[ironysoul]

Al hesitated, visibly shaken at the obvious show of submission. Edmund just bared his throat like that, exposing not only the bite, but his scent glans and pulse. Any alpha would be tempted to take full advantage. Even Al, whose dominant tendencies were largely in check, was tempted to push in and mark him. Welcome or not.

Forcing his breath to steady, Al shook his head. “No. No, I meant — are you okay? You’re very different.”

Probably he shouldn’t have blurted it out like that. Edmund had so much pride. Or the Edmund he used to know had. Even that night after the incident, Edmund had been defiant. Nothing like this.

“You’re not acting like yourself.” He’d already said it. Might as well commit now. Had the bite done this? Or was it something else? If Kala had groomed this behavior from him, what else had she done?

[just_edmund]

The pride was still there. The red filling Edmund's cheeks wasn't just the memories of that night. Embarrassment, awareness of his weakness around Al - or any alpha who piqued his interest, but it was the most obvious with Al - and yes, mortified pride made him run hot all over. He was above throwing himself at Al, even with these small ways. But this was his nature now, and if he didn't manifest it in private with those he trusted most, he would only make a fool of himself in a public spectacle, sooner or later. Kala had implied as much, in more subtle wording.

He touched the back of Al's hand. "I'm fine, Al. Really." Edmund exhaled, gathering his courage. "You're right. Things haven't been the same since that night. It's like - a part of me isn't complete. I've been able to control my urges, but I - I need an alpha. Sooner or later, or nature will run its course, I fear."

He seemed - if not resigned to his fate, reconciled to the practicality of it. He couldn't change who he was now, and he couldn't outrun his own nature. He peeked at Al as if afraid the alpha would begin to upbraid him on how he had failed in this too.

[ironysoul]

No, Al wasn’t going to blame Edmund for this, he blamed himself, for not staying. For not helping him through this transition.

“Who told you that?” Al asked softly, turning his hand to take Edmund’s. “You’re more than just — biology, Edmund. You don’t need anything you don’t want.”

Yes, many omegas chose an alpha. And vice versus. But didn’t as many choose betas? Or to remain alone entirely. Al wouldn’t believe Edmund had no other options, just because of a bite from that thing.

The Edmund he knew would have yelled at him for daring to presume he knew better what he “should” sound like. This one agreed with him, and blamed what — biology?

[just_edmund]

Edmund curled his hand in Al's. "I've been reading," he said quietly. "Old texts were found, philosophies on the Were nature. That the structure was formed to protect the weaker and more vulnerable. Al - someone like that can't be King. I have to protect myself. Nobody thinks less of a King having bodyguards. This is much the same, just on a larger scale."

He didn't need anything he didn't want. But...he wanted Al. And that had been denied to him.

"I confess, I haven't spoken at length about this with many Old Narnians." Tentatively, he let his head turn towards Al's shoulder, gently draping there. "There's no one I can truly confide it, no one who knows the truth who can tell me about this. We are newcomers, as you told me. I've been learning to trust the wisdom of what I read and hear." Much of it from Kala, he realized now.

Ask Kala.

He pressed his forehead into Al's shoulder. "I'm glad you're back."

[ironysoul]

Al listened with increasing horror as Edmund curled himself closer. Edmund had always pushed past his boundaries, made Al uncomfortable, but after the way they’d left things, he thought certainly that Edmund wouldn’t press up against him like this.

Except — he was more sure than ever. This wasn’t Edmund. Someone had done something to him. Whether it was that incubus or Kala... they’d changed him. Al knew it as surely as he’d ever known anything, and the second this was over he was finding Lucy. Peter would listen to her.

“Edmund, those texts are outdated.” He put his hands on Edmund’s shoulders, pushing him away, because — no. Al held him there at arms’ length so that he’d meet Al’s gaze and listen, for once. “Theyre from a time before Aslan, when we needed that structure to stop Narnians from tearing each other apart. The world is different now. People might struggle to accept it at first, but the people who would protest are the people who would want to turn against you already. And even they wouldn’t tell you you have to do anything to live your life. You can be with whoever you want for Edmund, for any reason. You don’t have to find an alpha if you don’t want one.”

[just_edmund]

The pushing away wasn't so bad, since at least Al was touching him. Edmund met his eyes with a hopefulness that betrayed how much he wanted it to be true. He didn't know what to believe anymore. He couldn't even trust his own body. Just being near Al, touching him, it kept whispering things to Edmund that he knew would never come true.

He bit his lip. He trusted Al to tell him the truth. But there - there was the lie. "Except you," he whispered hoarsely. His eyes were wide and dark. "I can be with whoever I want...except you." He gripped Al's elbows, and a flair of his old self was in the struggle of his spirit. "I don't want another alpha. I don't want to be this way. I know I can't have you. But I have nowhere else to turn. I need you here, damn it all."

It went beyond physical. He needed someone who would have his back, unquestionably. He sought that in Kala, but she was so mysterious to him in so many ways still, and the doubts Al had raised tonight resonated with him.

What if Al's just jealous? He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. An unmated alpha...with his chaste omega bitch.

A spot of blood appeared on Edmund's bottom lip where he'd bit it hard enough to break the skin. "I've already found an alpha."

[ironysoul]

“Oh, Edmund...” Al’s voice was soft, but he tried to layer away the grief and pain that Edmund’s words caused. Even if that were true, they’d been over and over and over the reasons... although, with Ed acting so erratically, who even knew what was right anymore? Still, Al was absolutely sure that whatever had spurred this confession was part of whatever had happened to Edmund.

“No, you don’t. There’s something afflicting you, but I promise I’ll learn what it is.”

Al couldn’t help noticing something else. Edmund was getting worse the longer he spent with Al. As if the continuing presence of an Alpha was wearing him down.

“You need to go,” he said finally, his voice choked. Aslan, he’d known it would hurt seeing Edmund again but he’s hoped that maybe, somehow, it would hurt less. But here they were, right back where they’d left off. It would be funny if Al didn’t feel like he was going to vomit. “Please listen to me, Edmund. Whatever is happening to you, I don’t think you should be around alphas right now.” At least not ones who loved him and were already half bonded to him,

Edmund had never listened to him before. Maybe, if there was any upside to whatever this was, maybe now he’d listen.

[just_edmund]

"What's afflicting me is something you can't - or won't - fix," Edmund muttered. He knew Al was trying to be kind, was being as protective as he thought right, but it was hard to think rationally about it when every thread of his body felt pulled in the alpha's direction.

"That...doesn't surprise me." He sounded resigned this time, when Al told him to leave. Edmund touched the spot of blood on his lip with his tongue. Something in him urged him to stay and fight, to not give up so easily; something else, some stronger instinct, told him to listen to his alpha. Not mine, he corrected himself. But the important one. "I shouldn't be around you, you mean." He cut through close to the truth. It hurt, more than he'd expected it could still hurt.

"I don't agree," he said at last, warring emotions in his eyes, "but I will respect your wishes." Edmund pushed himself off the table, and it was like ripping out his heart all over again to realize that Al wouldn't even be his friend and advisor, when he needed those things the most.

He glanced back, and gestured at the empty plates. "I'll make sure provisions are sent up to your room." There were regular meals in the Great Hall, but Edmund could well picture Al avoiding them for his sake. "And I'll still cheer for you. Even just to myself."

[ironysoul]

That response alone told Al that he’d been right. Something was very wrong with Edmund. He wasn’t himself at all, and whatever he said or thought, Al was being the very best friend he knew how to be.

He ached to say something, to argue, but Edmund was in no place to hear it. Edmund could think whatever he wanted about Al’s motivations. Maybe that was for the best. It would only hurt more in the long run to tell him the truth.

He paused before Edmund left, the words all catching on his tongue. He couldn’t think fast enough to keep up. “Edmund, wait — the Pride.” Al spoke as if he was still a member. “They aren’t happy about Kala. Be careful.”

[just_edmund]

The worst part about it was that Edmund knew Al was trying to be kind. It felt like cruelty at the moment. But Al was determined to see his brand of kindness through, leaving Edmund to muddle as best he could. Alone.

The Pride. It was a warning. A threat, even. Edmund paused, set his mouth. Nodded. They were afraid of their power being compromised. If Kala were to bear him an heir...no, they wouldn't take kindly to a Panther as heir to the Narnian throne. It would never get that far. Kala and he would be long dead. "I will," he promised, only because he wouldn't trust the Lions as far as he could throw them, which was not at all.

Still. He had questions to ask. Tomorrow.

~*~

"Al! How lovely you're back! You look -"

Mid-hug, Lucy put him at arms' length to peer closely at Al. "Just awful," she concluded, truthfully and with a great deal of sympathy. "Have you seen Edmund then? Did you quarrel again?"

[ironysoul]

If Edmund thought that Al would ever threaten him, ever threaten his child... Al would be crushed to even imagine it.

He made his way immediately to Lucy, almost panicked as he chased her down. The hug and notice were welcome. The implication that they’d quarreled less so (even if it was true.)

“Lucy! There’s something terribly wrong with Edmund.” No sense in mincing words. He needed someone to help Edmund. For Narnia’s sake, if nothing rkse.

[just_edmund]

Her quirked eyebrows immediately furrowed into lines of worry. Lucy tugged him close, into a deserted hallway, so that they wouldn't be overheard. "You noticed it too. Oh dear, it's that obvious?" Outsiders being able to tell - that wasn't good. Not that Al was an outsider, but he wasn't one of the Pevensies, who knew their brother through and through. Or at least, Lucy had thought she did.

She looked seriously at Al. "First tell me what you saw, and what you think it is. I don't want to influence your judgment with ours." They had a different perspective on Edmund, an intimate one but not that of an Old Narnian. (Or, she thought sadly, of someone who loved him as a lover might.)

[ironysoul]

Al had practically lived in Edmund’s back pocket for months. He’d been closer to Edmund than anyone. And yes, he loved him. Even if Edmund could never love him back. Even if Edmund loved Kala, or someone equally terrible.

“It’s like he’s had some twisted idea of what an omega should be put into his head. He won’t even disagree with me, and he was especially familiar.” Al blushed, remembering Edmund curled up against him, his head on Al’s shoulder. Not the time or place.

“And he’s been spending a lot of time with Kala. Lucy, Kala’s — I don’t know if you should trust her.”

[just_edmund]

Lucy nodded distractedly. Especially about the disagreeing part. She wasn't so distracted that she could miss the implications of familiar and that blush. "Some things about my brother are best left unimagined," she huffed, holding up a hand. "But the rest of it...that's what we've noticed too. He's never rolled over and let anyone get their way. If anyone would fight for their cause, it would be Ed."

At the mention of Kala, Lucy pursed her lips. She felt like fingering the hilt of her sword. "Peter and I don't. There are many stories, but too little proof. She's played her part well, contrite for what she did in the Winter. How can I say she's not?"

She put a hand on Al's arm. "Please. For Edmund's sake. What do you know?"

[ironysoul]

For Edmund. Al was relieved to hear that Lucy and Peter were suspicious, at least. But he wanted to help.

Quietly, he laid out everything he knows. Everything he saw Kala involved in, in the 100 years before the Pevensies arrived. It wasn’t a short list, and he was careful to phrase things as neutrally and as fairly as he could.

Maybe she really was penitent and wanted the best for Edmund. But Al couldn’t look past the changes to his beloved. It was one thing to have left knowing Edmund was happy and content and doing well. But finding him like this, shredded and so unlike himself. He’d made a terrible mistake.

“Has he been this way the entire time I left?”

[just_edmund]

Lucy listened to the list with growing horror. It wasn't that any one of them, or even all of them, were unforgivable. But the kind of person who could do that for a hundred years, knowingly...was it fear, like her Mr. Tumnus? Or true belief in a future where the White Witch and her kind reigned over Narnia?

She exhaled slowly at the end of it all. Her thoughts were spinning. She realized Al had asked her a question, and turned her gaze back to him with a shake of her head. "The first month, he seemed...a little lost, but came back well from the attack. The second and third, he began to keep to himself some days, but others was his usual self. I confess, the change truly began when Kala came to court, although Susan keeps reminding about correlation and causality and all that." Lucy brushed aside the sensible notion with a hand. This was her brother's heart and mind they were battling for. There was no time to be sensible.

"Al. They've begun courtship, even if nothing's declared. He seems to think it his duty. I've told him a thousand times, he needn't marry soon or at all, but he won't listen." She made a noise of frustration. "Why does he have to be like himself when it comes to that, and nothing else?"

[ironysoul]

Courtship. He knew, of course. He’d smelled it on Edmund. As as a student of science, Al was apt to agree with Susan. The timing could be coincidental. This could be sincere on Edmund’s part, or it could be the information he’d gotten from whatever books he read.

Was Al colored by his own bias? He’d misjudged Edmund early. For all his observation, he’d never known Kala personally. It seemed she’d been respectful of Edmund so far. And she was a well suited match. Maybe it was jealousy. Maybe Al’s broken heart just couldn’t survive Edmund with anyone else. There was something wrong. But suddenly, Al wasn’t sure it was fair to blame Kala.

In a very small voice, he asked, “Is he happy?”

[just_edmund]

Oh, Al. Lucy looked at him for a long, long moment, considering his question very carefully. Her heart ached for them both. Al so clearly loved her brother, and she was becoming more sure by the day that Edmund could find no better mate.

Her answer, when it came, was truthful. "Who he is now...would be content to marry Kala and give Narnia an heir and rule whatever she let him. But he is so much more than that. You know that, Al." She squeezed his arm with conviction. "Aslan himself gave the justice and mercy of Narnia to him, and him to Narnia. We cannot do without him. I cannot bear for him to become a shadow of his true self."

She met the golden eyes as if in challenge. "Help us find what's wrong. Whatever is between you, Narnia needs her Just King."

[ironysoul]

And there it was. No matter how Al felt about Kala, if Edmund still wanted her when this was all over... they had to accept that, then, didn’t they? He had to.

“Tell me what you need, your majesty,” he said finally. If he was helping Edmund he’d do anything, and once his life was back to being his normal, infuriating self, Al could leave again and Edmund could live his life the way he ought to.

If that meant seeing Edmund mate someone else, Al would have to live with it. He needed to accept what was best for Edmund.

[just_edmund]

"Find out whatever you can," she pleaded. "Maybe we need to go back to the original attack and learn more about what happened. Maybe Kala is involved, maybe she isn't. We need ears among the Old Narnians, no matter what their reputation. A few of Susan's most trusted Wolves are working for this cause. And I know - " Lucy's voice dropped to no more than a muttered breath. "I know the Pride is seeing what can be done about...correlated matters. But I fear it will be too late. If this thing takes Ed's will away for good...it will all be for nothing."

Her eyes blazed like she was ready to do battle for her brother's spirit. The Valiant wished she could swing a sword or slip a dagger into something on his behalf, but this war would be more subtle than that. At least until the tournament.

Her hand tightened on Al's arm. "Watch over him as you did before. Even from afar. I don't know who or what has him, but they mean him no good. He needs our protection." Lucy's expression softened, knowing what she was asking of Al. "Don't give up on him," she murmured. "Even if you think he's given up on you."

[ironysoul]

That was quite a painful ask, Lucy. Al had already given so much to Edmund, knowing that he would never be able to have Edmund in return. His throat closed off and he sighed, looking to the side. It wasn’t Lucy’s fault. And their last conversation had made it clear to him that she would support her brother. That was as it should be.

“I’ll try,” Al said finally, his voice soft. “But I’m only here for the tournament, you know. And only as long as King Peter decides he wants me to be.”

Al was well aware how tenuous his position here has become. No matter what it almost felt like, this wasn’t a homecoming.

“I’ll see if I can make contact with any panthers. There aren’t many I trust, but there are some. Maybe they no something and they’ll talk to me.” Outcast to outcast, he thought, but didn’t say.

[just_edmund]

Of course it was painful. Everything about their current situation was. But they were running out of options. And Al was too valuable an ally not to recruit in this fight for her brother's freedom. Some heartache might just have to be the price of it.

Only a temporary ally this time. Lucy rubbed her forehead. "We'll have to work fast, then. Everybody will be here for the tournament. It will be the best time to listen for news and gossip. I want to know if Edmund was their only target, or if others have been bitten too. If anything seems strange to you, even if it doesn't seem like it's connected, make a note of it and report back. We'll be doing the same. I'll send word in a few days to meet with us."

She almost added that if she begged Peter hard enough, if things were that desperate, he could always order Al to stay and help even after the tournament. But that was a card she hoped she wouldn't have to play. Once Al saw how things were, that Kala was the wrong sort of person for Edmund, and that Al was the right sort, maybe he would come around on his own.

She always was an optimist.

[ironysoul]

Easy for Lucy to say when it wasn’t her heartache.

Al didn’t share her optimism. He was highly skeptical of Kala, but hadn’t he been one of the first to push Edmund toward other panthers? The animals of Narnia wanted their kings and queens to be pure. Respectable. No panthers were ever going to follow a panther king who took a lion to mate. And no lion pride was going to welcome a panther omega, or any cubs he whelped.

Al loved Edmund. His heart was bonded to Edmund’s spirit, and Al knew his chances of mating and bonding with anyone else were slim. And maybe, in his secret, wildest hopes, he’d wondered if Edmund could feel the same. (He knew the truth. Edmund had told Al himself that he liked his life. He liked the thrill and chase of new love. He didn’t want to settle and mate.)

But even then, Al wanted more for him than mating to one of Cair Paravel’d cursed lions. He wanted Ed to be happy when he finally did settle down. He wanted him to have heiress and all the things he could never have with Al.

But he kept all of that private. No sense in burdening anyone else with it. “Okay. I’ll wait to hear from you,” was all he said to lucy.