Alphonse/Edmund: The one where they're furries

[ironysoul]

One hundred years in feline form, and now walking on two legs feels stilted. There was a knot between his shoulders that Al knew he could stretch out if he switched to fur. He could hunker down on his haunches and reach his front paws out far, sinking into a bow that would make every nodule of his spine pop. But while King Peter hadn't expressly banned fur, Al (and for that matter, the rest of the pride) still felt like it was something frowned upon now. Lesser, than their human form. At the very least that they should be grateful for it being restored.

He flexed paws (hands) and reminded himself again that his claws wouldn't unsheathe from the tips of his fingers. A hundred years in fur, and after almost a decade being able to change, he still felt wrong in this one.

At least, in the years since the age of winter, the pride had been restored to Cair Paravel. They'd served as stewards for generations, until Jadis had banished them. Not, Al was forced to admit, that he'd have been a particularly deft housekeeper with four paws. Maybe he could have dusted with his tail. The thought made him giggle.

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[just_edmund]

Al's murmur was more effective than if he'd shouted. Edmund stared at him, instantly feeling the weight of those words. Al had never spoken like this of his youthful indiscretions, the betrayal of a hurt and lonely boy. It was true...and he would never deny it...but for Al to confirm it...

He breathed in and out, stopping before the door to the kitchen. The hall was quiet and dark save for dim torchlight flickering overhead. Edmund turned and looked Al directly in the eyes, but he didn't yell. His voice, too, was quiet, almost intimate. "What do you mean?"

Was that why Al wouldn't have anything to do with him? Because he had once been a traitor? The Lions were a righteous set, but Al had seemed...different, somehow. The hurt of it shone in his dark gaze, naked.

[ironysoul]

Did Edmund think Al was talking about him? al’s Eyes widened, large golden saucers catching the light, and he drew in a sharp breath. Whatever spilled out of his mouth wasn’t likely to help his case, but he didn’t want Edmund thinking — he’d been a child! He’d been misled and lied to by an adult woman who’d manipulated him.

Kala had been young, yes. And certainly Jadis had twisted things to her own advantage, hurting everyone in the process. But she hadn’t been as young as Edmund, and she had been — gleeful.

“Edmund, I know you’ve heard — as much as anyone thrived under Jadis, the panthers did. She was cruel to them. To everyone. But they embraced her. Many of them.”

Yes, including Kala. Al had seen it.

[just_edmund]

Al's face, those shining golden eyes, told more than his words. Edmund, gazing into them so deeply, was suddenly soothed. The surprise was genuine and obvious on Al's honest features. In their light, the hurt flickering in Edmund's began to abate.

"Yes," he said, not trying to deny the accusations leveled against his kind. "So did the Wolves. And the Minotaurs. Even some of the Fauns and Trees. What did the Panthers do that was more unforgivable than the rest?"

He didn't speak defensively, as hard as he wanted to defend the woman who'd been so kind to him these past weeks. A twinge of guilt nagged at him, that he didn't stand up more fiercely for Kala, who had given him back so much. But...he needed to know. He counted Al's opinion more highly than perhaps Al even knew. And Al knew something, maybe something important. Edmund was willing to listen.

[ironysoul]

Unbidden, memories arose of panthers creeping from the darkness to maim or wound, seemingly at random. He remembered watching his words, always afraid of unseen eyes in the darkness. There was a feeling, even at Cair Paravel, that you were never safe. Friends disappearing, only to be found later in Jadis’s gardens. Black forms moving across the snow.

Even though he knew, he’d been there, At was hesitant to speak. What if he was wrong about Kala’s role, in particular? What if she hadn’t been involved, or what if she hadn’t been as complicit? Jadis lies, threatened, hurt as easily as breathing. Who was Al to say what she’d told the panthers? That they were worse than the wolves or Minotaurs? What if this was a test of Aslan’s?

“I think — I think you should ask Kala. And see if you’re satisfied with her answer.”

Edmund was whip-smart and suspicious. He’d know if he was being lied to.

At least — the old Edmund would. Al wasn’t sure about this newer version. He seemed almost meek.

Suddenly Al wanted very much to talk to Lucy or Susan, or evenWinry. He wasn’t sure what had happened to Edmund after he left — how much was his fault?

[just_edmund]

Edmund's instincts were right. Al knew more than he was willing to tell...and that knowledge could be critical. He watched the ghosts of memories shift across Al's face. Too painful to share? Or was he afraid Edmund wouldn't believe him?

Ask Kala. But he was asking Al. He parted his lips to say as much, when something made him question why Al would have singled her out for the tale. She knew something too. He had never pressed her for the details, assuming she was as repentant of that time as he was. Maybe...maybe now was the time to do so.

Slowly, Edmund nodded. "I will ask her. Though I am more curious to know what you remember."

He wouldn't push for it, only catch Al by the wrist and open the door to the kitchen. "Come, let's get you some dinner."

It was warm and cozy in the dark, deserted kitchen, a fire banked on the hearth, and plenty of goodies covered with cloths, wrapped in paper, or buried in the ice chest. Edmund scrounged up some cold pieces of roast chicken and broccoli, bread baked fresh that night, and thick slices of buttery cheese, with ripe pears and candied walnuts for dessert. They perched on the butcher block table in the kitchen and dug in to their impromptu feast. Good company, Edmund reflected with satisfaction, was the best sauce.

[ironysoul]

He’d singled her out because she’d been involved. He’d singled her out because she was courting
Edmund — shouldn’t he want to hear it from her? Why would Al’s opinion matter more? Ed had trusted him, as his steward, but he’d laughed off any romantic warnings. And Al was hesitant to get pulled back in. He couldn’t keep carving his heart open this way.

He shouldn’t even stay longer. But Edmund wasn’t taking no as his answer, towing Al into the kitchen and piling foood on him. It all looked so good. Much better than what Al was allowed in the pride. Did Edmund know? Was he trying to sneak Al extras, or — did he want to remind Al of what he’d left? What he could have had? Edmund wasn’t that cruel, was he?

As a result, Al only nibbled nervously at the edges of his meal. How often had they sat like this, when he was Edmund’s steward? He ate mostly alone now, and until this moment, he hadn’t understood how lonely it was.

[just_edmund]

Edmund wasn't easy enough with their situation to quite laugh off any romantic warnings from Al. But he was determined to take proper care of him while he was still under Cair Paravel's roof, especially if his pride had been neglecting him. There was no thought of rubbing in Al's face of what he had turned away from. Panther he might be, but Edmund was not capable of such vindictiveness.

He kept urging Al to eat more. "I know what you can put away," Edmund teased him. "I've seen you do it." It was almost like old times. His cheeks glowed pink with the inherent pleasure at being next to - not *his* alpha, but the alpha who made him feel as if everything would be well.

"Besides, you must be in tiptop shape for the tournament in a few days if you're to do us credit. The Lion's share and all." The expression in his eyes, peeking up at Al through thick lashes, was almost adoring. His body was tipped unconsciously toward the breadth of Al's, as if it couldn't help supplicating.

[ironysoul]

“Are the panthers not competing?” Surely Edmund would support his own men above any others. Surely —

There was something deeply wrong with Edmund’s posture. Al knew what omegas looked like, and their was an easiness to them that Edmund lacked entirely. This was very... cultivated. It was nothing like the king Al remembered. He had been a beta, but he’d worn his royalty like an Alpha,

“Have you been okay? Really?” He remembered what it was like the night they separated. Edmund was clearly adjusting to whatever the bite had made him. Would it have been easier if Al had been his Alpha then? Maybe Edmund might have transitioned entirely, instead of being this. Whatever this was.

[just_edmund]

"A few. Mostly in the Were rounds. But my heart cheers for you."

Al was staring at him. Edmund was just glad he wasn't running away. He'd missed their friendship dearly, quite apart from the ache of wanting him, and this - this was like a balm to his spirit. He smiled with what he hoped was reassurance at the alpha.

"Of course. Never better. Look..." He drew away the collar of his tunic to show Al the place on his neck where he'd been bitten. Only two faint white circles, tiny against the pale freckled skin, showed any trace of the attack. He arched his neck for inspection. Another submissive gesture. "Lucy's cordial made sure any of the poison was fully drawn out. And I haven't had anything as bad as - that night." Edmund flushed, but soldiered on. "Few know. Just us, my family...Kala knows something is different, since I run with her, but I've never told her everything." Although if she asked him too...it would be hard to deny her.

[ironysoul]

Al hesitated, visibly shaken at the obvious show of submission. Edmund just bared his throat like that, exposing not only the bite, but his scent glans and pulse. Any alpha would be tempted to take full advantage. Even Al, whose dominant tendencies were largely in check, was tempted to push in and mark him. Welcome or not.

Forcing his breath to steady, Al shook his head. “No. No, I meant — are you okay? You’re very different.”

Probably he shouldn’t have blurted it out like that. Edmund had so much pride. Or the Edmund he used to know had. Even that night after the incident, Edmund had been defiant. Nothing like this.

“You’re not acting like yourself.” He’d already said it. Might as well commit now. Had the bite done this? Or was it something else? If Kala had groomed this behavior from him, what else had she done?

[just_edmund]

The pride was still there. The red filling Edmund's cheeks wasn't just the memories of that night. Embarrassment, awareness of his weakness around Al - or any alpha who piqued his interest, but it was the most obvious with Al - and yes, mortified pride made him run hot all over. He was above throwing himself at Al, even with these small ways. But this was his nature now, and if he didn't manifest it in private with those he trusted most, he would only make a fool of himself in a public spectacle, sooner or later. Kala had implied as much, in more subtle wording.

He touched the back of Al's hand. "I'm fine, Al. Really." Edmund exhaled, gathering his courage. "You're right. Things haven't been the same since that night. It's like - a part of me isn't complete. I've been able to control my urges, but I - I need an alpha. Sooner or later, or nature will run its course, I fear."

He seemed - if not resigned to his fate, reconciled to the practicality of it. He couldn't change who he was now, and he couldn't outrun his own nature. He peeked at Al as if afraid the alpha would begin to upbraid him on how he had failed in this too.

[ironysoul]

No, Al wasn’t going to blame Edmund for this, he blamed himself, for not staying. For not helping him through this transition.

“Who told you that?” Al asked softly, turning his hand to take Edmund’s. “You’re more than just — biology, Edmund. You don’t need anything you don’t want.”

Yes, many omegas chose an alpha. And vice versus. But didn’t as many choose betas? Or to remain alone entirely. Al wouldn’t believe Edmund had no other options, just because of a bite from that thing.

The Edmund he knew would have yelled at him for daring to presume he knew better what he “should” sound like. This one agreed with him, and blamed what — biology?

[just_edmund]

Edmund curled his hand in Al's. "I've been reading," he said quietly. "Old texts were found, philosophies on the Were nature. That the structure was formed to protect the weaker and more vulnerable. Al - someone like that can't be King. I have to protect myself. Nobody thinks less of a King having bodyguards. This is much the same, just on a larger scale."

He didn't need anything he didn't want. But...he wanted Al. And that had been denied to him.

"I confess, I haven't spoken at length about this with many Old Narnians." Tentatively, he let his head turn towards Al's shoulder, gently draping there. "There's no one I can truly confide it, no one who knows the truth who can tell me about this. We are newcomers, as you told me. I've been learning to trust the wisdom of what I read and hear." Much of it from Kala, he realized now.

Ask Kala.

He pressed his forehead into Al's shoulder. "I'm glad you're back."

[ironysoul]

Al listened with increasing horror as Edmund curled himself closer. Edmund had always pushed past his boundaries, made Al uncomfortable, but after the way they’d left things, he thought certainly that Edmund wouldn’t press up against him like this.

Except — he was more sure than ever. This wasn’t Edmund. Someone had done something to him. Whether it was that incubus or Kala... they’d changed him. Al knew it as surely as he’d ever known anything, and the second this was over he was finding Lucy. Peter would listen to her.

“Edmund, those texts are outdated.” He put his hands on Edmund’s shoulders, pushing him away, because — no. Al held him there at arms’ length so that he’d meet Al’s gaze and listen, for once. “Theyre from a time before Aslan, when we needed that structure to stop Narnians from tearing each other apart. The world is different now. People might struggle to accept it at first, but the people who would protest are the people who would want to turn against you already. And even they wouldn’t tell you you have to do anything to live your life. You can be with whoever you want for Edmund, for any reason. You don’t have to find an alpha if you don’t want one.”

[just_edmund]

The pushing away wasn't so bad, since at least Al was touching him. Edmund met his eyes with a hopefulness that betrayed how much he wanted it to be true. He didn't know what to believe anymore. He couldn't even trust his own body. Just being near Al, touching him, it kept whispering things to Edmund that he knew would never come true.

He bit his lip. He trusted Al to tell him the truth. But there - there was the lie. "Except you," he whispered hoarsely. His eyes were wide and dark. "I can be with whoever I want...except you." He gripped Al's elbows, and a flair of his old self was in the struggle of his spirit. "I don't want another alpha. I don't want to be this way. I know I can't have you. But I have nowhere else to turn. I need you here, damn it all."

It went beyond physical. He needed someone who would have his back, unquestionably. He sought that in Kala, but she was so mysterious to him in so many ways still, and the doubts Al had raised tonight resonated with him.

What if Al's just jealous? He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. An unmated alpha...with his chaste omega bitch.

A spot of blood appeared on Edmund's bottom lip where he'd bit it hard enough to break the skin. "I've already found an alpha."

[ironysoul]

“Oh, Edmund...” Al’s voice was soft, but he tried to layer away the grief and pain that Edmund’s words caused. Even if that were true, they’d been over and over and over the reasons... although, with Ed acting so erratically, who even knew what was right anymore? Still, Al was absolutely sure that whatever had spurred this confession was part of whatever had happened to Edmund.

“No, you don’t. There’s something afflicting you, but I promise I’ll learn what it is.”

Al couldn’t help noticing something else. Edmund was getting worse the longer he spent with Al. As if the continuing presence of an Alpha was wearing him down.

“You need to go,” he said finally, his voice choked. Aslan, he’d known it would hurt seeing Edmund again but he’s hoped that maybe, somehow, it would hurt less. But here they were, right back where they’d left off. It would be funny if Al didn’t feel like he was going to vomit. “Please listen to me, Edmund. Whatever is happening to you, I don’t think you should be around alphas right now.” At least not ones who loved him and were already half bonded to him,

Edmund had never listened to him before. Maybe, if there was any upside to whatever this was, maybe now he’d listen.

[just_edmund]

"What's afflicting me is something you can't - or won't - fix," Edmund muttered. He knew Al was trying to be kind, was being as protective as he thought right, but it was hard to think rationally about it when every thread of his body felt pulled in the alpha's direction.

"That...doesn't surprise me." He sounded resigned this time, when Al told him to leave. Edmund touched the spot of blood on his lip with his tongue. Something in him urged him to stay and fight, to not give up so easily; something else, some stronger instinct, told him to listen to his alpha. Not mine, he corrected himself. But the important one. "I shouldn't be around you, you mean." He cut through close to the truth. It hurt, more than he'd expected it could still hurt.

"I don't agree," he said at last, warring emotions in his eyes, "but I will respect your wishes." Edmund pushed himself off the table, and it was like ripping out his heart all over again to realize that Al wouldn't even be his friend and advisor, when he needed those things the most.

He glanced back, and gestured at the empty plates. "I'll make sure provisions are sent up to your room." There were regular meals in the Great Hall, but Edmund could well picture Al avoiding them for his sake. "And I'll still cheer for you. Even just to myself."

[ironysoul]

That response alone told Al that he’d been right. Something was very wrong with Edmund. He wasn’t himself at all, and whatever he said or thought, Al was being the very best friend he knew how to be.

He ached to say something, to argue, but Edmund was in no place to hear it. Edmund could think whatever he wanted about Al’s motivations. Maybe that was for the best. It would only hurt more in the long run to tell him the truth.

He paused before Edmund left, the words all catching on his tongue. He couldn’t think fast enough to keep up. “Edmund, wait — the Pride.” Al spoke as if he was still a member. “They aren’t happy about Kala. Be careful.”

[just_edmund]

The worst part about it was that Edmund knew Al was trying to be kind. It felt like cruelty at the moment. But Al was determined to see his brand of kindness through, leaving Edmund to muddle as best he could. Alone.

The Pride. It was a warning. A threat, even. Edmund paused, set his mouth. Nodded. They were afraid of their power being compromised. If Kala were to bear him an heir...no, they wouldn't take kindly to a Panther as heir to the Narnian throne. It would never get that far. Kala and he would be long dead. "I will," he promised, only because he wouldn't trust the Lions as far as he could throw them, which was not at all.

Still. He had questions to ask. Tomorrow.

~*~

"Al! How lovely you're back! You look -"

Mid-hug, Lucy put him at arms' length to peer closely at Al. "Just awful," she concluded, truthfully and with a great deal of sympathy. "Have you seen Edmund then? Did you quarrel again?"

[ironysoul]

If Edmund thought that Al would ever threaten him, ever threaten his child... Al would be crushed to even imagine it.

He made his way immediately to Lucy, almost panicked as he chased her down. The hug and notice were welcome. The implication that they’d quarreled less so (even if it was true.)

“Lucy! There’s something terribly wrong with Edmund.” No sense in mincing words. He needed someone to help Edmund. For Narnia’s sake, if nothing rkse.

[just_edmund]

Her quirked eyebrows immediately furrowed into lines of worry. Lucy tugged him close, into a deserted hallway, so that they wouldn't be overheard. "You noticed it too. Oh dear, it's that obvious?" Outsiders being able to tell - that wasn't good. Not that Al was an outsider, but he wasn't one of the Pevensies, who knew their brother through and through. Or at least, Lucy had thought she did.

She looked seriously at Al. "First tell me what you saw, and what you think it is. I don't want to influence your judgment with ours." They had a different perspective on Edmund, an intimate one but not that of an Old Narnian. (Or, she thought sadly, of someone who loved him as a lover might.)

[ironysoul]

Al had practically lived in Edmund’s back pocket for months. He’d been closer to Edmund than anyone. And yes, he loved him. Even if Edmund could never love him back. Even if Edmund loved Kala, or someone equally terrible.

“It’s like he’s had some twisted idea of what an omega should be put into his head. He won’t even disagree with me, and he was especially familiar.” Al blushed, remembering Edmund curled up against him, his head on Al’s shoulder. Not the time or place.

“And he’s been spending a lot of time with Kala. Lucy, Kala’s — I don’t know if you should trust her.”

[just_edmund]

Lucy nodded distractedly. Especially about the disagreeing part. She wasn't so distracted that she could miss the implications of familiar and that blush. "Some things about my brother are best left unimagined," she huffed, holding up a hand. "But the rest of it...that's what we've noticed too. He's never rolled over and let anyone get their way. If anyone would fight for their cause, it would be Ed."

At the mention of Kala, Lucy pursed her lips. She felt like fingering the hilt of her sword. "Peter and I don't. There are many stories, but too little proof. She's played her part well, contrite for what she did in the Winter. How can I say she's not?"

She put a hand on Al's arm. "Please. For Edmund's sake. What do you know?"

[ironysoul]

For Edmund. Al was relieved to hear that Lucy and Peter were suspicious, at least. But he wanted to help.

Quietly, he laid out everything he knows. Everything he saw Kala involved in, in the 100 years before the Pevensies arrived. It wasn’t a short list, and he was careful to phrase things as neutrally and as fairly as he could.

Maybe she really was penitent and wanted the best for Edmund. But Al couldn’t look past the changes to his beloved. It was one thing to have left knowing Edmund was happy and content and doing well. But finding him like this, shredded and so unlike himself. He’d made a terrible mistake.

“Has he been this way the entire time I left?”

[just_edmund]

Lucy listened to the list with growing horror. It wasn't that any one of them, or even all of them, were unforgivable. But the kind of person who could do that for a hundred years, knowingly...was it fear, like her Mr. Tumnus? Or true belief in a future where the White Witch and her kind reigned over Narnia?

She exhaled slowly at the end of it all. Her thoughts were spinning. She realized Al had asked her a question, and turned her gaze back to him with a shake of her head. "The first month, he seemed...a little lost, but came back well from the attack. The second and third, he began to keep to himself some days, but others was his usual self. I confess, the change truly began when Kala came to court, although Susan keeps reminding about correlation and causality and all that." Lucy brushed aside the sensible notion with a hand. This was her brother's heart and mind they were battling for. There was no time to be sensible.

"Al. They've begun courtship, even if nothing's declared. He seems to think it his duty. I've told him a thousand times, he needn't marry soon or at all, but he won't listen." She made a noise of frustration. "Why does he have to be like himself when it comes to that, and nothing else?"