Alphonse/Edmund: The one where they're furries

[ironysoul]

One hundred years in feline form, and now walking on two legs feels stilted. There was a knot between his shoulders that Al knew he could stretch out if he switched to fur. He could hunker down on his haunches and reach his front paws out far, sinking into a bow that would make every nodule of his spine pop. But while King Peter hadn't expressly banned fur, Al (and for that matter, the rest of the pride) still felt like it was something frowned upon now. Lesser, than their human form. At the very least that they should be grateful for it being restored.

He flexed paws (hands) and reminded himself again that his claws wouldn't unsheathe from the tips of his fingers. A hundred years in fur, and after almost a decade being able to change, he still felt wrong in this one.

At least, in the years since the age of winter, the pride had been restored to Cair Paravel. They'd served as stewards for generations, until Jadis had banished them. Not, Al was forced to admit, that he'd have been a particularly deft housekeeper with four paws. Maybe he could have dusted with his tail. The thought made him giggle.

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[ironysoul]

It wasn’t the first letter Al had received. Only the first sanctioned one, bearing the crests of the Kong’s and queens of Narnia. Of course Ed and Winry wrote him often, newsy updates about Cair Paravel he never asked for. He was circumspect in his replies. There was plenty he didn’t want them to know, though they might read between the lines.

As he’d promised Peter, he found a pack to take him. A second Alpha was always a liability in a pack, and even his status as a member of the Cair Paravel pack wasn’t enough to lessen that. What made them accept him, grudgingly, was the undertone to his scent of a mated lion. And no mate at his side.

Overall they saw him as a pathetic creature. An alpha with no status, bonded but alone, and relegated him to the bottom of the pride structure. He hadn’t expected anything more. With Peter’s edict that the Cair Paravel pack couldn’t breed outside of their own, he’d known he’d never attain the status to be a threat. Any alpha would want to remind him, he couldn’t blame them.

Still, it stung that Peter, who had discarded him so readily, would welcome him back when it became convenient.

He left his pride with no small amount of ill will. The Alpha who led it understood that only a few were being invited to Cair Paravel for the tourney. Only those of surpassing skill and power. The reminder that Al ranked among them while he did not, that if Al chose he could easily overthrow their delicate balance, well. It was just one more thorn that was going to make things difficult, it seemed.

In all his letters he’d been careful not to ask about Edmund. But some slipped in. He heard of the panther presence increasing in the castle, and he heard plenty about who precisely was there. The panthers had been present often throughout the longest winter, stalking castle grounds that were lion territory by right. Jadis had confided in the creatures, using them as spies in the darkness, informing on animals all across Narnia. Searching always for traitors. For Aslan.

The lions had escaped subjugation, now. While Peter delighted in his new contacts, Ed made it clear that the pride was in simmering revolt. They wanted Al back, and the tourney provided the perfect excuse.

So he came, tracing footfalls through a familiar hall almost unthinking. He felt wrong in human form, moving through the castle again after so long. He itched for fur.

[just_edmund]

That night, Edmund came in smelling of forest, of wind in his hair, and, a little, of the dark-haired beauty who'd run beside him. She'd told him she didn't care if he smelled wrong; she could be alpha enough for both of them. It sat strangely with him, but it also felt good to stretch his legs, to arch his back and lash his tail and run. Kala made it possible. No stray alpha would dare attack them hunting together. Edmund was aware too of the significance of this custom, for one of the few times that Panthers hunted in pack was during courtship. There was nothing official, no documents of intent, just her flanks rubbing against him after they'd feasted, leaving her scent on him.

It was a chaste courtship by his usual standards. He should have long bedded her by now. Every time he considered it, his mind brought him back to that night in the tent with Al, and the smell of him so perfect that anything else seemed mere garbage by comparison. Until he felt that way about someone else, Edmund promised himself, he wouldn't take another to his bed.

And he did have to take someone else, eventually. Peter - the pride had such strict standards of mating, he might never marry. Susan and Lucy might have their discreet dalliances, and their declared suitors, but they would take their time, he knew, finding mates who were right for Narnia as well as to be their consort. It was Edmund's clear duty. To feel something for someone else besides a self-banished Lion who didn't want him.

He'd know that scent anywhere. He quickly shifted, dressing himself in the clothes he'd left by the stewards' entrance, and padded silently towards the source of it.

"Dusting vases?" was the quiet husk that split the silence, a faint smile on Edmund's face. Al.

[ironysoul]

Well. Al might take issue with some of Edmund’s interpretations, but that was neither here nor there. He stilled as he scented the person joining him. There was no forgetting that scent. Not after the last time he’d been close enough to Edmund to smell it.

Al considers, for a moment of insanity, just bolting. Edmund knows he’s here, it’s silly. But Al thought he was ready, he thought he could do this, and — he wasn’t. Maybe he’d never be ready to see Edmund again, if just he simplest words made his chest ache like this. Aslan.

He stood his ground — and wished almost instantly that he hadn’t. As Edmund grew closer, he caught the second scent intertwined with Edmund’s own and grew irrationally angry. She’d just rubbed herself all over him, hadn’t she? Still a hussy, then. And he —

He had no claim. He couldn’t say anything. Maybe she’d changed. Maybe she made him happy. He didn’t get a say. He swallowed hard, sterling himself as best he could.

“Hello, Edmund...”

[just_edmund]

Edmund's senses, so recently in their Panther form, were still keenly attuned. Al's body language went all stiff, and he seemed to be bracing himself just to speak. Ah. Not forgiven then.

Flashes from the letter of so many months ago returned to Edmund. How sorry he was to have hurt Al, who'd been nothing but kind and protective toward him. Al had done his duty, and Edmund could not stand in the way of what he felt was his duty now. How much Al's absence would be felt, and his admonitions taken to heart. How thankful he was to have known Al, and how he wished him joy in his new life.

He tried to keep his voice light as he replied. "We weren't expecting you for two or three days, or else more red carpet could have been rolled out for you. At the very least, a few feather dusters." He held out his hand for Al to take, to clasp in greeting. His heart twisted into several new knots at the sight of his - he didn't even know what term applied. Friend was inadequate; lover had never been true; infatuation made him sound fourteen again, and was just as inadequate as friend.

Al was just...beautiful. He was thinner than Edmund remembered; had he been eating well enough with his new pack? The Narnian King ran a hand through his already wind-mussed hair, pushing it back, and basked in Al's very nearness. "How are you? I've barely had any news of you, just whenever I can catch Winfry." Ed had not been overly disposed to be communicative to him, fancy that.

[ironysoul]

Forgiven? Perhaps. Al had never been angry with Edmund, at least not in the way he imagined. Terrified. Lonely and heartbroken. Even now he didn’t know if Edmund understood everything Al had given up. Being so far from his family and pledging never to start a family of his own... self-exile, he called it, but it wasn’t that. It was for the good of Narnia. The rest was imposed upon him, and he couldn’t say no.

He hesitated for a moment before reaching out to take Edmund’s hand. He didn’t know if he could trust himself to let go once they were touching. But Edmund was so nervous.

“I didn’t expect any welcome,” he said softly. How could he explain that coming back was more home without any fanfare at all than his new pride? He didn’t want to make Edmund feel worse.

“I’m well. My pride has been very welcoming. I’m very grateful to them. How are you?” He forced the words around a tightness in his throat. He should probably let go of Edmund’s hand.

[just_edmund]

Edmund knew some of it. Knew that Al had been very close with his family, had had to leave his pride with them to join one where he would be an outsider. The particulars about not taking a mate were ones he wasn't privy to. The details he did know, made him most glad Al had returned at least for a little while.

Gladly, he curled his hand around Al's fingers. "Consider this your welcome party." He drew Al towards the kitchens, where surely something could be scrounged up for a late-night snack. Leading him there was as good an excuse as any to keep a hold of his hand. There was an electricity to the space between their skin, a heat that was palpable but not dangerous.

Tucked away in a snug bedchamber, on the other hand...

"Good. They are very lucky to have you. As are we, to have you in the tourney." I, to have you back.... Edmund smiled in spite of the giant's hand squeezing and clenching at his heart in his chest. "I am...much better than when we last met," he murmured, a little shyly. So different than the prowling young King who had pounced on the giggling Steward he'd found in a hallway not too far from this one. "Fresh air does me good. And we have made much progress with the Wolves and Panthers. Susan has been marvelous...and Kala has drawn many of my kindred to come back to our ranks."

[ironysoul]

Al has always been very bad at just saying no to Edmund. That, apparently, hasn’t changed, as what he meant to be a brief handshake had become a cozy hike to the kitchens. Al’s heart seized in his chest, and no matter how it hurt, he followed Edmund with a slight smile. “I really don’t— ”

Edmund was different. He was quieter. Still bossy — the fact that he was towing Al along to the kitchens spoke to that. But he was less of a know it all. Less strident. It didn’t seem like he thought he was more correct or smarter, anymore.

Which was good — but it unsettled Al. It didn’t seem so much like this new introspection was just from maturity. There was something off about it.

Then Ed said her name, and his heart — already pounding in his chest, froze. “Have you been spending a lot of time with her?” Al asked finally, withdrawing his hand from Edmund’s grip.

[just_edmund]

Mild protests are swept away in the thrill of Al's return-turned-celebration. Al might not see it as a cause for rejoicing, but Edmund was visibly rejoicing in his presence again, and he would let ceremony stand in the way, nor hubris or arguments about who was right or wrong.

He felt the absence of Al's touch immediately. Edmund glanced at him questioningly. "Well, yes. She is of my kind. Just as you have spent your time with yours." Wasn't that what Al had wanted for them? The Narnian King didn't know what was so wrong with seeking out a mate from his own 'pack'. Unless...

"Oh, I know what they say about us. That we're all traitors, Witch-kind. Do you believe that, Al? Do you think none of us Panthers can truly be Narnian?" His eyes were very big and very dark on Alphonse's golden, honest face.

[ironysoul]

Al’s gut twisted sharply at Edmund’s words. Trust him to turn this back around on Al. Yes, he wanted Edmund to choose a more appropriate mate, but Kala — well, Al remembered her from the age of winter.

Jadis had twisted and used many people. Edmund among them. They were to forgive and forge trust, but of all the people for Edmund to become enameled with... Aslan. How was he always so infuriating?

“That reputation wasn’t entirely unearned,” Al said softly. This was going to blow up, he already knew it. Edmund was going to get mad at him again, yell at him again, because he’d only lived the tail end of Jadis’s rule. He didn’t understand the scars the lions carried. And he would never forgive Al for remembering them, would he?

Edmund hadn’t said anything at all, but Al felt his throat closing as his eyes began to burn. He already knew how this would end. He shouldn’t have come back.

[just_edmund]

Al's murmur was more effective than if he'd shouted. Edmund stared at him, instantly feeling the weight of those words. Al had never spoken like this of his youthful indiscretions, the betrayal of a hurt and lonely boy. It was true...and he would never deny it...but for Al to confirm it...

He breathed in and out, stopping before the door to the kitchen. The hall was quiet and dark save for dim torchlight flickering overhead. Edmund turned and looked Al directly in the eyes, but he didn't yell. His voice, too, was quiet, almost intimate. "What do you mean?"

Was that why Al wouldn't have anything to do with him? Because he had once been a traitor? The Lions were a righteous set, but Al had seemed...different, somehow. The hurt of it shone in his dark gaze, naked.

[ironysoul]

Did Edmund think Al was talking about him? al’s Eyes widened, large golden saucers catching the light, and he drew in a sharp breath. Whatever spilled out of his mouth wasn’t likely to help his case, but he didn’t want Edmund thinking — he’d been a child! He’d been misled and lied to by an adult woman who’d manipulated him.

Kala had been young, yes. And certainly Jadis had twisted things to her own advantage, hurting everyone in the process. But she hadn’t been as young as Edmund, and she had been — gleeful.

“Edmund, I know you’ve heard — as much as anyone thrived under Jadis, the panthers did. She was cruel to them. To everyone. But they embraced her. Many of them.”

Yes, including Kala. Al had seen it.

[just_edmund]

Al's face, those shining golden eyes, told more than his words. Edmund, gazing into them so deeply, was suddenly soothed. The surprise was genuine and obvious on Al's honest features. In their light, the hurt flickering in Edmund's began to abate.

"Yes," he said, not trying to deny the accusations leveled against his kind. "So did the Wolves. And the Minotaurs. Even some of the Fauns and Trees. What did the Panthers do that was more unforgivable than the rest?"

He didn't speak defensively, as hard as he wanted to defend the woman who'd been so kind to him these past weeks. A twinge of guilt nagged at him, that he didn't stand up more fiercely for Kala, who had given him back so much. But...he needed to know. He counted Al's opinion more highly than perhaps Al even knew. And Al knew something, maybe something important. Edmund was willing to listen.

[ironysoul]

Unbidden, memories arose of panthers creeping from the darkness to maim or wound, seemingly at random. He remembered watching his words, always afraid of unseen eyes in the darkness. There was a feeling, even at Cair Paravel, that you were never safe. Friends disappearing, only to be found later in Jadis’s gardens. Black forms moving across the snow.

Even though he knew, he’d been there, At was hesitant to speak. What if he was wrong about Kala’s role, in particular? What if she hadn’t been involved, or what if she hadn’t been as complicit? Jadis lies, threatened, hurt as easily as breathing. Who was Al to say what she’d told the panthers? That they were worse than the wolves or Minotaurs? What if this was a test of Aslan’s?

“I think — I think you should ask Kala. And see if you’re satisfied with her answer.”

Edmund was whip-smart and suspicious. He’d know if he was being lied to.

At least — the old Edmund would. Al wasn’t sure about this newer version. He seemed almost meek.

Suddenly Al wanted very much to talk to Lucy or Susan, or evenWinry. He wasn’t sure what had happened to Edmund after he left — how much was his fault?

[just_edmund]

Edmund's instincts were right. Al knew more than he was willing to tell...and that knowledge could be critical. He watched the ghosts of memories shift across Al's face. Too painful to share? Or was he afraid Edmund wouldn't believe him?

Ask Kala. But he was asking Al. He parted his lips to say as much, when something made him question why Al would have singled her out for the tale. She knew something too. He had never pressed her for the details, assuming she was as repentant of that time as he was. Maybe...maybe now was the time to do so.

Slowly, Edmund nodded. "I will ask her. Though I am more curious to know what you remember."

He wouldn't push for it, only catch Al by the wrist and open the door to the kitchen. "Come, let's get you some dinner."

It was warm and cozy in the dark, deserted kitchen, a fire banked on the hearth, and plenty of goodies covered with cloths, wrapped in paper, or buried in the ice chest. Edmund scrounged up some cold pieces of roast chicken and broccoli, bread baked fresh that night, and thick slices of buttery cheese, with ripe pears and candied walnuts for dessert. They perched on the butcher block table in the kitchen and dug in to their impromptu feast. Good company, Edmund reflected with satisfaction, was the best sauce.

[ironysoul]

He’d singled her out because she’d been involved. He’d singled her out because she was courting
Edmund — shouldn’t he want to hear it from her? Why would Al’s opinion matter more? Ed had trusted him, as his steward, but he’d laughed off any romantic warnings. And Al was hesitant to get pulled back in. He couldn’t keep carving his heart open this way.

He shouldn’t even stay longer. But Edmund wasn’t taking no as his answer, towing Al into the kitchen and piling foood on him. It all looked so good. Much better than what Al was allowed in the pride. Did Edmund know? Was he trying to sneak Al extras, or — did he want to remind Al of what he’d left? What he could have had? Edmund wasn’t that cruel, was he?

As a result, Al only nibbled nervously at the edges of his meal. How often had they sat like this, when he was Edmund’s steward? He ate mostly alone now, and until this moment, he hadn’t understood how lonely it was.

[just_edmund]

Edmund wasn't easy enough with their situation to quite laugh off any romantic warnings from Al. But he was determined to take proper care of him while he was still under Cair Paravel's roof, especially if his pride had been neglecting him. There was no thought of rubbing in Al's face of what he had turned away from. Panther he might be, but Edmund was not capable of such vindictiveness.

He kept urging Al to eat more. "I know what you can put away," Edmund teased him. "I've seen you do it." It was almost like old times. His cheeks glowed pink with the inherent pleasure at being next to - not *his* alpha, but the alpha who made him feel as if everything would be well.

"Besides, you must be in tiptop shape for the tournament in a few days if you're to do us credit. The Lion's share and all." The expression in his eyes, peeking up at Al through thick lashes, was almost adoring. His body was tipped unconsciously toward the breadth of Al's, as if it couldn't help supplicating.

[ironysoul]

“Are the panthers not competing?” Surely Edmund would support his own men above any others. Surely —

There was something deeply wrong with Edmund’s posture. Al knew what omegas looked like, and their was an easiness to them that Edmund lacked entirely. This was very... cultivated. It was nothing like the king Al remembered. He had been a beta, but he’d worn his royalty like an Alpha,

“Have you been okay? Really?” He remembered what it was like the night they separated. Edmund was clearly adjusting to whatever the bite had made him. Would it have been easier if Al had been his Alpha then? Maybe Edmund might have transitioned entirely, instead of being this. Whatever this was.

[just_edmund]

"A few. Mostly in the Were rounds. But my heart cheers for you."

Al was staring at him. Edmund was just glad he wasn't running away. He'd missed their friendship dearly, quite apart from the ache of wanting him, and this - this was like a balm to his spirit. He smiled with what he hoped was reassurance at the alpha.

"Of course. Never better. Look..." He drew away the collar of his tunic to show Al the place on his neck where he'd been bitten. Only two faint white circles, tiny against the pale freckled skin, showed any trace of the attack. He arched his neck for inspection. Another submissive gesture. "Lucy's cordial made sure any of the poison was fully drawn out. And I haven't had anything as bad as - that night." Edmund flushed, but soldiered on. "Few know. Just us, my family...Kala knows something is different, since I run with her, but I've never told her everything." Although if she asked him too...it would be hard to deny her.

[ironysoul]

Al hesitated, visibly shaken at the obvious show of submission. Edmund just bared his throat like that, exposing not only the bite, but his scent glans and pulse. Any alpha would be tempted to take full advantage. Even Al, whose dominant tendencies were largely in check, was tempted to push in and mark him. Welcome or not.

Forcing his breath to steady, Al shook his head. “No. No, I meant — are you okay? You’re very different.”

Probably he shouldn’t have blurted it out like that. Edmund had so much pride. Or the Edmund he used to know had. Even that night after the incident, Edmund had been defiant. Nothing like this.

“You’re not acting like yourself.” He’d already said it. Might as well commit now. Had the bite done this? Or was it something else? If Kala had groomed this behavior from him, what else had she done?

[just_edmund]

The pride was still there. The red filling Edmund's cheeks wasn't just the memories of that night. Embarrassment, awareness of his weakness around Al - or any alpha who piqued his interest, but it was the most obvious with Al - and yes, mortified pride made him run hot all over. He was above throwing himself at Al, even with these small ways. But this was his nature now, and if he didn't manifest it in private with those he trusted most, he would only make a fool of himself in a public spectacle, sooner or later. Kala had implied as much, in more subtle wording.

He touched the back of Al's hand. "I'm fine, Al. Really." Edmund exhaled, gathering his courage. "You're right. Things haven't been the same since that night. It's like - a part of me isn't complete. I've been able to control my urges, but I - I need an alpha. Sooner or later, or nature will run its course, I fear."

He seemed - if not resigned to his fate, reconciled to the practicality of it. He couldn't change who he was now, and he couldn't outrun his own nature. He peeked at Al as if afraid the alpha would begin to upbraid him on how he had failed in this too.

[ironysoul]

No, Al wasn’t going to blame Edmund for this, he blamed himself, for not staying. For not helping him through this transition.

“Who told you that?” Al asked softly, turning his hand to take Edmund’s. “You’re more than just — biology, Edmund. You don’t need anything you don’t want.”

Yes, many omegas chose an alpha. And vice versus. But didn’t as many choose betas? Or to remain alone entirely. Al wouldn’t believe Edmund had no other options, just because of a bite from that thing.

The Edmund he knew would have yelled at him for daring to presume he knew better what he “should” sound like. This one agreed with him, and blamed what — biology?

[just_edmund]

Edmund curled his hand in Al's. "I've been reading," he said quietly. "Old texts were found, philosophies on the Were nature. That the structure was formed to protect the weaker and more vulnerable. Al - someone like that can't be King. I have to protect myself. Nobody thinks less of a King having bodyguards. This is much the same, just on a larger scale."

He didn't need anything he didn't want. But...he wanted Al. And that had been denied to him.

"I confess, I haven't spoken at length about this with many Old Narnians." Tentatively, he let his head turn towards Al's shoulder, gently draping there. "There's no one I can truly confide it, no one who knows the truth who can tell me about this. We are newcomers, as you told me. I've been learning to trust the wisdom of what I read and hear." Much of it from Kala, he realized now.

Ask Kala.

He pressed his forehead into Al's shoulder. "I'm glad you're back."

[ironysoul]

Al listened with increasing horror as Edmund curled himself closer. Edmund had always pushed past his boundaries, made Al uncomfortable, but after the way they’d left things, he thought certainly that Edmund wouldn’t press up against him like this.

Except — he was more sure than ever. This wasn’t Edmund. Someone had done something to him. Whether it was that incubus or Kala... they’d changed him. Al knew it as surely as he’d ever known anything, and the second this was over he was finding Lucy. Peter would listen to her.

“Edmund, those texts are outdated.” He put his hands on Edmund’s shoulders, pushing him away, because — no. Al held him there at arms’ length so that he’d meet Al’s gaze and listen, for once. “Theyre from a time before Aslan, when we needed that structure to stop Narnians from tearing each other apart. The world is different now. People might struggle to accept it at first, but the people who would protest are the people who would want to turn against you already. And even they wouldn’t tell you you have to do anything to live your life. You can be with whoever you want for Edmund, for any reason. You don’t have to find an alpha if you don’t want one.”

[just_edmund]

The pushing away wasn't so bad, since at least Al was touching him. Edmund met his eyes with a hopefulness that betrayed how much he wanted it to be true. He didn't know what to believe anymore. He couldn't even trust his own body. Just being near Al, touching him, it kept whispering things to Edmund that he knew would never come true.

He bit his lip. He trusted Al to tell him the truth. But there - there was the lie. "Except you," he whispered hoarsely. His eyes were wide and dark. "I can be with whoever I want...except you." He gripped Al's elbows, and a flair of his old self was in the struggle of his spirit. "I don't want another alpha. I don't want to be this way. I know I can't have you. But I have nowhere else to turn. I need you here, damn it all."

It went beyond physical. He needed someone who would have his back, unquestionably. He sought that in Kala, but she was so mysterious to him in so many ways still, and the doubts Al had raised tonight resonated with him.

What if Al's just jealous? He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. An unmated alpha...with his chaste omega bitch.

A spot of blood appeared on Edmund's bottom lip where he'd bit it hard enough to break the skin. "I've already found an alpha."

[ironysoul]

“Oh, Edmund...” Al’s voice was soft, but he tried to layer away the grief and pain that Edmund’s words caused. Even if that were true, they’d been over and over and over the reasons... although, with Ed acting so erratically, who even knew what was right anymore? Still, Al was absolutely sure that whatever had spurred this confession was part of whatever had happened to Edmund.

“No, you don’t. There’s something afflicting you, but I promise I’ll learn what it is.”

Al couldn’t help noticing something else. Edmund was getting worse the longer he spent with Al. As if the continuing presence of an Alpha was wearing him down.

“You need to go,” he said finally, his voice choked. Aslan, he’d known it would hurt seeing Edmund again but he’s hoped that maybe, somehow, it would hurt less. But here they were, right back where they’d left off. It would be funny if Al didn’t feel like he was going to vomit. “Please listen to me, Edmund. Whatever is happening to you, I don’t think you should be around alphas right now.” At least not ones who loved him and were already half bonded to him,

Edmund had never listened to him before. Maybe, if there was any upside to whatever this was, maybe now he’d listen.