Alphonse/Edmund: The one where they're furries

[ironysoul]

One hundred years in feline form, and now walking on two legs feels stilted. There was a knot between his shoulders that Al knew he could stretch out if he switched to fur. He could hunker down on his haunches and reach his front paws out far, sinking into a bow that would make every nodule of his spine pop. But while King Peter hadn't expressly banned fur, Al (and for that matter, the rest of the pride) still felt like it was something frowned upon now. Lesser, than their human form. At the very least that they should be grateful for it being restored.

He flexed paws (hands) and reminded himself again that his claws wouldn't unsheathe from the tips of his fingers. A hundred years in fur, and after almost a decade being able to change, he still felt wrong in this one.

At least, in the years since the age of winter, the pride had been restored to Cair Paravel. They'd served as stewards for generations, until Jadis had banished them. Not, Al was forced to admit, that he'd have been a particularly deft housekeeper with four paws. Maybe he could have dusted with his tail. The thought made him giggle.

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[ironysoul]

Edmund kept ramping up the touches. Curling closer to Al, petting him, kissing him, all while he made those sounds. It was driving Al to the very edge of his senses.. And Edmund still didn't understand.

Panthers were lone creatures. They made their way through life individually, with other panthers drifting through. But lions -- everything revolved around the pride. Especially mating. There were no second chances for lions, once a match was made. A pair of alphas like Ed and Winry would start their own pride, and by all rights Al should have split off long ago, to find a mate of his own. An alpha, to begin a pack with, or an omega in a pride he could leave.

But their pride was different. Whatever Jadis had done to them had changed things. That was why Peter didn't want them changing, or leaving. Or taking mates.

And if all the people for Al to fall in love with -- finally, the first person in his life to spark his interest. And it was Edmund. Completely unsuitable. A panther, a king... Al's frustration ratcheted higher still. Why couldn't Edmund understand how torturous it was, to even hear that the King would consider him...

"I-- I don't know," he admitted, trying to focus on Edmund's earlier questions. "I don't know what will stick."

[just_edmund]

It was true, Edmund had had little experience or exposure to the pride dynamics that consumed Peter and the others. The Panthers did as they pleased, and that suited him tremendously. He had learned their customs, such as they were, and lead with strength in times of need, but he didn't have to ask anyone's permission before he did something. Al's obsession with his duty was admirable and frustrating by the same token. If he knew more about it...or if he could explain to Peter...

His fingers were still curled in locks of golden fur. Edmund leaned back, spreading his legs to give himself room to work and inadvertently opening up his scent to hang thickly in the air. The rules about interspecies mating seemed antiquated and prudish to him. He didn't even know if it was possible to have offspring - maybe they wouldn't have Beast forms at all - but the thought of carrying Al's whelps made him mewl with taboo pleasure as he filled himself up with the smooth glass shaft. Things that he would have found strange and even degrading, were now exciting.

He felt the bump of the larger bulb against his entrance and whined again. "If you - if you had knotted me tonight..." He ached for it, would have done anything to have Al on top of him now. Unable to speak any more and keep going, he rolled up to feel the tip grinding within him. Throaty, unheeding sounds keened from his lips. His skin made the blankets beneath swish softly as his hips rose and fell, fucking himself in the absence of his Alpha to do it for him.

[ironysoul]

Al had done everything -- gods, short of shoving his nose under his paws, he'd done everything to try and block it out. And nothing had worked. Edmund's scent hung heavy over the room, driving under his skin, and he felt every twitch and roll, every gasp.

And still, Edmund mused about what might happen, casually calling up every image Al was trying to suppress.

"Edmund, please," he gasped, shoving down further. Those thoughts weren't helping either of them. Al had no idea what might happen if he knotted Edmund like this, when he was ripe and fertile, but he knew it would destroy him. It would probably wreck their pride, even if Edmund didn't catch. Edmund's reputation could be salvaged maybe, with careful concealment. But Al-- if peter killed him, it would be a kindness. Because he would never get over Edmund. It was already too late, probably.

[just_edmund]

Edmund's head was thrown back against Al's bulk, his body arched, more helpless with need than he'd ever been before. Distantly, he heard the desperation in Al's voice. It seemed to match his own. It made it worse, so much worse that he trusted Al implicitly to see him like this, or smell him, to touch him. Whatever happened, Edmund found himself wanting it to happen.

"Al." The name slid out of him on a whimper, with everything in him tight and on the verge of breaking. He squirmed, panting. "Need you...I can't..."

This must be what it felt like to go mad. Feverish, coherent thought stuttered with mere instinct and impulse, heart pounding out of his chest. The ache was so great, his body thrummed with the hurt of it. Surely normal heats weren't like this. There was something foreign in his blood, urging him on. Would the poison work itself out of him? Or had it changed him for good, made him like - like this forever?

"I wanted you, before," he breathed, a helpless confession. "Always - wanted you, all those weeks. Pretended I didn't, to make it - easier, on both of us." Edmund laughed, almost a sob, as he tried to bring himself off. He was so close, he just couldn't... "This - hasn't changed any of that."

[ironysoul]

God, as if Al didn't know. If he were someone else -- if he could be with Edmund, and just move on -- if he were anyone else, gods. But he isn't. He can't. Being with Edmund would destroy him, while Edmund just -- moved on to the next lover, presumably. He wasn't the one tied to his desires.

"Edmund, please, that doesn't help." Al can't sob in this form, but he's sure if he were in human form he'd be a wreck by now. He can't believe that Edmund understands what he's pushing for, that he'd knowingly cut Al this deeply. But at the same time -- he hasn't learned. He hasn't respected every rejection before this, he still pushes, and Al can't bring himself to cut his king off.

[just_edmund]

Edmund could never be intentionally cruel to Al, even as far gone as he was. There was a new stringency to Al's pheromones, something sharp and sad. Edmund hated that it was because of him. He turned to Al.

"What would you have me do, then?" A distinctive catch in Edmund's voice, like he was swallowing tears. "I pursued and you said no. I stayed away and you think me fickle. I am honest with you and still hurt you. I didn't ask for this - " He gestured wildly to the tent that reeked of blatant need. " - and yet we're here. I ask you then, what would you have me do?"

His voice rang of desperation. More than he needed relief (and he needed it badly just then), Edmund needed to know where they stood. If Al could just be honest in turn with him, give him some kind of explanation and course of action, even if it was away from him, that would be something.

[ironysoul]

What could he say? Al's heart shattered again, hearing Edmund's desperation and sadness. He was supposed to be helping, but he was making things worth. Poor Edmund, trapped with a worthless Alpha who wasn't providing any relief.

But what Al needed from Edmund, he couldn't demand. Could he say, 'I need you to love me the way I'm afraid I love you,' and not get laughed out of the tent? Could he even acknowledge how deep his feelings had grown for Edmund, and how watching him with any other partner was torturous now? The sting from his dalliances had soured something within Al, hammering home how little he meant to Edmund in the grand scheme. And how close he still was to falling into this abyss, one that seemed impossible to avoid.

"I need you to understand," he said finallly, his own voice bleak. "I wouldn't have chosen this for us, for you. I'm sorry, Edmund. I wish --"

[just_edmund]

Caught in a confusing swirl of emotions, of desire and heartache mingled, Edmund slid to one side to pillow his face in Al's fur. The most honorable and faithful among Men or Beasts, kind and warm-hearted and selfless, a man infinitely worth loving and being loved by, and yet who couldn't be his. It was a cruel turn of events, but for love of him, Edmund would accept whatever he wished, even if it meant parting ways forever.

It wasn't any sort of answer like what he was expecting to hear. Edmund was stunned into silence for a moment or two. "Oh," he said quietly. And then, even more quietly -

"What would you have chosen for us, Al? For me? What would you wish for?"

It seemed important to him. To know what was in Al's heart, and what he saw for the two of them. His breath shuddered unevenly across golden spikes of hair, stirring them into motion, while his free hand stroked another wayward patch smooth. Strangely, it was now that Edmund found himself most wanting to listen to what Al had to say.

[ironysoul]

What could he possibly say? The truth was too raw. Every time they'd come close to this before, Al had fled. Maybe it was cowardly. But they couldn't have what either of them wanted, and why keep fighting it? Why imagine what could have been, when what could have been involved changing so much about who they both were...

But Edmund's tone demanded an honest answer, and what else could Al do but give him that? His king leaned into him, pet him soothingly, more concerned with Al than with his own, overwhelming need.

"I wish you were a lion," he confessed. It wasn't a fair wish. Edmund would be so different if he were a lion, if he had his own pride. If he understood why Al couldn't leave his. If Al were able to mate him, properly...

"I wish we could be together."

[just_edmund]

Yes, the most important thing of all to Al. Loyalty to his kind. Edmund let out a shuddering sigh and nuzzled his face into the soft nest of fur. It didn't matter whether it was a fair wish or not. Just to know that he and Al might have had a chance if things had sorted differently...

He made a soft, hitching noise into Al's mane. "I wish you weren't quite so honorable." But it was mostly a jest. "We might have had a proper roll, you and I, and no one the wiser." He knew it wasn't how Al did things. And he wouldn't really want to change that about him, even if he could.

His body was humming almost contentedly, as if the greater contact with the delicious-smelling Alpha was keeping the worst of his need in check for the moment. It seemed incongruous with the tumult in his mind. Edmund turned his cheek, wondering if Al would smell like him too after this. The thought pleased him. "What do you think I should do?"

[ironysoul]

Jest or no, the words are a fresh wound to Al's battered self control. 'We might have had a proper roll.' Of course. That's what he is to Edmund, a convenient treat. A plaything. Not a lover, not a spouse.

It's part of why having Edmund as a lion would make things easier. Yes, there were lions who had sex without mating, but not alphas. Not fertile lions from a pride in distress. And not Al. That wasn't him. He'd never wanted something casual. Never really wanted something romantic at all, until he'd met this stupid, stupid panther, who twisted him up and raked him out again and again.

Maybe, when this was over, he should leave and find another pride. Ignore Peter's edicts. There was a risk, that whatever taint Jadis had laid on him would spread. Al knew he was far from normal in his disinterest, even for an alpha lion. And no other pride would want him unless he could mate and make children to carry on the line. But maybe it was time. He couldn't stay here any longer and watch Edmund move from dalliance to dalliance.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do."

[just_edmund]

Al couldn't be any of that to Edmund. Not lover, not spouse, not mate, and certainly not treat or plaything. The duty that bound Al to his calling in the pride made the former impossible; Edmund's own feelings and sense of justice made the latter unthinkable. Al was so much more...and could not be any of it. Not to him.

"I don't know either." Al felt more rigid against him, the tension in him prominent. Edmund could feel that he'd misstepped somewhere but he was too fevered and stretched thin to think rationally about any of it. He tipped his head and leaned his forehead against Al's flank. "I'm sorry, Al. This is the first time I - "

Caught feelings for someone, wanted someone badly enough to give up everything for them if he could. He knew Al wouldn't let him. They were in two different worlds. Al had made that quite clear.

Edmund swallowed, aching and miserable; the toy had slipped free long ago, and he didn't know what he wanted anymore. "You don't have to stay," he said, his voice treacherously uneven. "If you want to go, go."

[ironysoul]

Al knew what he was saying. But Edmund's thoughts echoed his so perfectly that it was hard not to read his intention differently. He could feel the misery radiating off Edmund, twin to his own, and it was so clear. They couldn't withstand more of this.

"I will. When you're recovered, I'll go. It's better that way." They wouldn't encounter each other as often. Maybe he'd be able to put Edmund from his mind, and focus on rebuilding. Starting a pride of his own. A family.

He couldn't see another way for them, even as he curled tighter around Edmund, nuzzling his side gently. This wasn't working. They just kept hurting each other, over and over.

[just_edmund]

It was as much as Edmund expected. He despised himself for being the catalyst that drove Al away. But if simply being around Edmund hurt Al that much, it seemed the only way. For all that Al had a duty to his people, Edmund was duty-bound to all of Narnia. He couldn't run away, and so if one of them had to...

Edmund felt his whole body rebelling at the thought of losing the Alpha next to him. He knew the physical reaction was made much worse by his heat; but his will, his thoughts were desolate without any help from the siren bite. Knowing this step was necessary didn't make it any easier. He radiated distress, a soft whine burying in Al's side. His fingers clung of their own accord to the nestled Lion. It wasn't fair.

And it wasn't fair to Al. He deserved a family, a pride that would close ranks around him, a bundle of cubs, a dutiful spouse. Not the outrage of an entire country over broken taboos and thwarted bloodlines.

This had to be the worst way to spend one's heat, next to an Alpha who was neither going to mate or stay past the duration of it. Especially when one wanted that particular Alpha very, very badly. Already humiliated in so many ways tonight, Edmund made a plaintive sound. He nodded. "I know. It's not...what I would wish for. But neither is causing you pain." Resisting was already painful enough. Edmund didn't want to know what would happen next time. When Al wasn't here.

[ironysoul]

There were other alphas who could care for him. Edmund had pointed it out himself. Al sighed, tucking himself around Edmund's form protectively, offering as much comfort with his bulk as he could manage.

He hadn't expected Edmund to beg him to stay. But it still stung to be dismissed so quickly. He thought about throwing the question back at Edmund -- what would he have wanted? But why bother? He already knew the answer.

"Do whatever you need. I'll stay here until this ends."

It was easier knowing he had a path out. Tomorrow he'd go see Peter and arrange his exit. He'd find another pack and rebuild. What other option did he have?

[just_edmund]

Couldn't Al smell how upset the prospect of losing him made Edmund? What he wanted was written all over his body. The wrap of Al's flesh around him was as much pang as comfort, for it wasn't his at all. Al was doing exactly for him what he had done for other omegas in need. Providing a service. And in the morning, or whenever the heat had abated at all, he'd be gone.

Edmund buttoned himself back up and set his jaw. "No." The physical release would be hollow and joyless now. He didn't want it. His body ached, but he could bear it. Even if he didn't sleep at all tonight.

He curled back against Al, an arm around his side, and closed his eyes. No, he would not sleep. His voice was thick with disappointment and frustrated need. "If you - don't mind staying anyways. It does help." The touches alleviated the worst of it. And the rest - well, he'd had worse pain.

[ironysoul]

Arthur could smell it, but -- Edmund was in heat, and unsatisfied. Of course he was miserable. Why wouldn't he be? Al knew he wasn't helping, letting his emotions run roughshod, but he attributed Edmund's discomfort to the circumstances, and not -- anything else.

Hearing Edmund steel himself and refuse, Al's sides heaved in a sigh.

"Please. You'll feel better." Anything to break this emotional feedback, both of them pouring their emotions into each other with no relief. "You don't need to suffer just to suffer, Edmund."

[just_edmund]

"It's better this way," Edmund said stubbornly, not moving from his spot. The slick was uncomfortable now, leaving him feeling empty and unfulfilled, but that's exactly what he would feel like after a perfunctory release at his own hand, when all of his being craved the Lion beside him. Why bother, then. Why trouble Al with his own sexual needs when it wouldn't bring any true relief.

"I'm not suffering," he insisted, and curled in on himself. It wasn't as if he couldn't control himself. He absolutely could. He was stronger than the siren's poison. "Maybe I can sleep it off." As if he was going to sleep at all tonight. "They brought sleeping draughts in the medics' unit. That would be the easiest way, you know. Just knock me out and let the heat work itself out while I'm unconscious."

Edmund spoke matter-of-factly, just short of bitterly. His heat seemed an utterly useless and inconvenient thing, something that had only exacerbated the problems between him and Al. Simplifying the mess for Al's sake was really the only improvement he could see to the situation.

"I'd go get it myself, but for reason you all think I need to be quarantined," he half-joked.

[ironysoul]

"Sleeping it off would be easier --" Al sighed again, shaking out his mane. Did Edmund truly believe this was easier for him? He didn't enjoy listening to Edmund pleasure himself, especially when there was so little actual pleasure involved. But it wasn't easy lying here while Edmund radiated need, either.

"If that's what you really want." A sleeping draught might indeed help. At the very least, Al didn't see how it could make things worse, just -- delay the inevitable. "I'll go fetch you one. If you're sure."

[just_edmund]

Reluctantly, Edmund unwound himself from the softness of Al's fur, the warmth of his solid body. "I'm sure. I wouldn't be able to go through with anything else. Not - not now." He hugged himself, thinking of how much lonelier it would feel when Al was gone for good. He wanted to leave so badly, and all Edmund could do was let him go.

"I'm sure you're dying to get away from here anyways. You don't have to rush back." Edmund reached for the sword hung near the front of the tent. "I know how to defend myself in case anybody comes sniffing around."

He smiled, a sad thing that didn't reach his eyes. "Thanks, Al. You're a good man."

[ironysoul]

'I'm sure you're dying to get away from here, anyways.' Al froze, staring down at Edmund just as he started to rise. It didn't matter the second half of Edmund's sentence -- he'd started off so petty that Al was shaking with confusion and frustration. It it had been anyone else they'd have earned a smack with a heavy paw, claws in, of course -- not even his brother spoke to him like that.

Just as well he was leaving. Al understood it was difficult being rejected, but he'd never met anyone who insisted on throwing them self at him the way Edmund did. And then he acted like it was Al's fault, for just being consistent. Maybe Edmund was right, maybe he did want to leave sooner.

Al was so full of frustration and indignant rage that he didn't even notice he'd retrieved the sleeping fraught already. He returned to the tent and let it fall from his jaw. "Here." If he sounded terser, even icee than he had before, well -- maybe Edmund would understand that he'd finally crossed a line.

[just_edmund]

Edmund would like nothing better than being left to lick his wounds in private. He was in no condition to keep a tight rein on his emotions right now; he was barely keeping a check on his treacherous body, much less the disappointment, frustration, and crushing of his hopes where Al was concerned.

He looked up as Al entered, frowning. The tone was one he couldn't remember ever hearing from the gentle, obedient Elric. It was utterly disrespectful, and it was a dangerous precedent. Edmund drew himself up, sitting straight-backed, and glowered at him. "Is that how you address your Kings and Queens? Your efforts are appreciated; your manner is not."

[ironysoul]

"Well, is that how you address someone who you --" no. Edmund didn't love him. He might wish it, even if it wouldn't really fix anything, but.. alas. "Who is helping you? I'm sorry this is so hard, but there's no call to be rude."

Al might be obedient and kind, but he was also an Alpha. And he was a bit of a bear about being polite, come to think of it, and Edmund was not.

"If you want to be treated like a king, my lord maybe start acting like one and not like -- like a petulant child who can't have more sweeties!"

He *really mad* this time

[just_edmund]

All the pent-up denial of the strange, foreign emotions and sensations flooding through him had reached a head, and Al's chiding censure was the last straw. "I was honest with you tonight, and you think that gives you liberty to - to speak to me this way?"

Edmund found himself growling, hackles raised, and before he knew quite what was happening, he'd transformed into his Panther form and was launching himself at Al. Not to hurt him - he didn't think he ever could - but simply to put him in his place. It was both easier and harder in this body - easier for the strength and resilience it gave him, harder for how keenly he could smell Al now. It didn't matter; Al was being unfair, unsympathetic, and it grated more than he could bear. He attempted to knock Al to the ground. He would probably be unsuccessful; the Lion outweighed him by almost half again. But it was the point that counted.

[ironysoul]

Not to brag, but no one had won a fight with Al in -- in almost a decade. The only reason Edmund got a jump on him to begin with was that Al wasn't expecting an attack. Not from a beta, and certainly not from a beta who happened to be in heat right now.

He allowed confusion to rule him for one minute. What was he even supposed to do? But instinct took over quickly, and almost as soon as Edmund collided with him, Edmund found himself on the ground, belly down, with Al's paw between his shoulderblades and his teeth at Edmund's neck.

Such a display of dominance over a king was unthinkable. Half of Al's instincts screamed for him to roll over and beg forgiveness. But he was angry and hurt at how quickly Edmund could throw him aside, at this pattern of being used and rejected when he wouldn't bow to the king's sexual whims. And he'd already been driven from his home for it, or as good as. He might as well go all the way.

"You're a man, like any other," he told Edmund after a long moment, stepping off the king and backing to the door of the tent. "And even a king must learn to hear things he doesn't like. One who doesn't, one uses his rank to bludgeon his subjects and hides behind it when they object, isn't a king at all. He's a tyrant."