Alphonse/Edmund: The one where they're furries

[ironysoul]

One hundred years in feline form, and now walking on two legs feels stilted. There was a knot between his shoulders that Al knew he could stretch out if he switched to fur. He could hunker down on his haunches and reach his front paws out far, sinking into a bow that would make every nodule of his spine pop. But while King Peter hadn't expressly banned fur, Al (and for that matter, the rest of the pride) still felt like it was something frowned upon now. Lesser, than their human form. At the very least that they should be grateful for it being restored.

He flexed paws (hands) and reminded himself again that his claws wouldn't unsheathe from the tips of his fingers. A hundred years in fur, and after almost a decade being able to change, he still felt wrong in this one.

At least, in the years since the age of winter, the pride had been restored to Cair Paravel. They'd served as stewards for generations, until Jadis had banished them. Not, Al was forced to admit, that he'd have been a particularly deft housekeeper with four paws. Maybe he could have dusted with his tail. The thought made him giggle.

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[ironysoul]

It wasn't just coming on too strong. It was cultural expectations that Edmund couldn't begin to grasp, questions and fears that Al was so burdened down by...

But at the same time, Edmund felt so good, wrapping himself around Al, clinging to him like this. Al knew how easy it would be for him to tip one or both of them into heat, and that was the last thing they needed happening on this ship, but a part of him wanted to take advantage of what Edmund was offering. He'd said it himself; he'd been wanting for weeks. No one would blame Al --

But he was not going to be one of those Alphas ruled by base instinct. He knew all the reasons he and Edmund couldn't be together, even if Edmund didn't, and taking advantage of Edmund in a moment like this would just be despicable. Besides, they were barely out of sight, still on the deck of the ship, and if Edmund regretted this later... why wouldn't he... there was no question whose side the many, many potential witnesses would come down on.

Twisted with grief and want, Al moved away from Edmund's rocking hips, steadying himself. "Stop it, Edmund! You need to -- we can't do this."

[just_edmund]

The problem with having just a taste of Al was that now he wanted more, and not having him was going to be physically painful. His longing would be his weakness. Edmund knew this was a major reason that sovereigns were usually alphas; it was just less dangerous that way. He was vulnerable, a strange position for a King to be in. But he was still asking for Al to accept even a portion of what he offered.

The distance between them was as shocking as a blast of cold water to his senses. He didn't know which was more painful, the physical separation or the words, telling him unequivocally - stop.

Edmund stopped.

His body was tense with the effort of holding himself away, the strain of his urges making him almost hunch into himself as he let go of Al and took a step back. "I...I thought..." He hadn't been thinking at all. Just acting on instinct, and hoping that it would pay off when Al felt the connection between them. Edmund couldn't have been the only one that felt it.

Could he?

He bit his lip, hard, and his eyes pleaded with Al. "What am I supposed to do, then?" His voice was low and rough. "I want you. I don't want to take someone else to bed just to sate that hunger. But it's so bloody hard, being alone..."

[ironysoul]

Edmund wasn't the only one. But how was Al supposed to acknowledge something like that? There were so many differences between them, so many things that stood in the way. He couldn't just ignore the vast crevasses that lay between them, socially and -- otherwise. He'd never heard of someone mating outside their species, even when there wasn't a crisis like the lions were facing now. It just wasn't done. It was totally taboo, and while Al was willing to transgress boundaries to a point, something like what Edmund was asking him for...

"You don't. You just want the idea of me, your majesty." Al closed his eyes and drew in an unsteady breath. he wasn't sure entirely how true that was. It certainly sounded plausible. And it was easier than facing the reality. He wanted Edmund too. He felt something, a connection between them, that he was working hard to deny. But it was there. And every time Edmund lampshaded it, instead of just -- ignoring this, whatever it was, and going about his life -- it made things so much harder.

"We can't be together. You know that."

[just_edmund]

Those kinds of rules just weren't important to Edmund. If Al thought it was all right, the opinion of anybody else wouldn't have made a lick of difference to the defiant King. Wasn't that one of the perks of being King? You got to make the rules? He was sure Lucy and maybe even Susan would be willing to make an exception if he was truly in love with someone. Not that Al would even let him get close enough to fall in love...but his nose didn't lie, everything about this alpha was just so right.

Everything except the part where, you know. He didn't want to be with Edmund.

"Because of course you know my deepest hopes and dreams," the King replied with heavy sarcasm. He didn't like at all being told that his fancy could be turned to any suitable candidate. Sex, yes. But Al was the first person in a very long while who had piqued his other interests.

Edmund's brows darkened into heavy furrows. "Yes. We can't be together because you do not wish it. That is the only reason that matters. I am sorry for troubling you any further." He stepped back. "You are relieved of your personal duties to me; Metan can attend to me while on board." He could find no other words that wouldn't reveal his own twice-hurt feelings or potentially hurt Al's, so he simply turned and strode towards his cabin. Al wouldn't know he was curling up in his oversized bunk perfect for two, wallowing in the rejection and the stew of hormones that kiss had left in its wake.

Damn that stubborn lion. Damn him.

[ironysoul]

Edmund said Al didn't understand. But he was just as mistaken if he thought Al didn't want him in return, or have the same sense of rightness when he was with the king. If it weren't for the pressures of his pack and society following them both, Al couldn't imagine wanting anyone else. Even, maybe, if Edmund were any other pack. But a Panther -- he would never be accepted by the pack. And they looked to Al, one of the few remaining alphas, for leadership and guidance. To say nothing of his responsibility to the next generation...

But he wanted Edmund just as badly. And if Edmund thought he didn't, or thought it didn't hurt to watch Edmund walk away from him, the prince trailing after... He couldn't find any comfort in throwing up barrier after barrier, watching Edmund run head long into them. He was just as lonely, just as miserable, returning to his own berth on the ship. Not far from Edmund's, as he was expected to be ready to serve him.

Al curled himself into his own ball of misery, tucking himself into the corner of the bunk. He had no right to expect anything else from Edmund. If they couldn't even be friendly with each other, it was his own fault.